When I left her, I knew I would never be the same, but when I went back, I had no idea it would be worse than when we were kids.
“Well, I don’t envy you, that’s for sure.”
I ignore Milo and drain the remnants of my drink. “Why did you want to meet up? Just to remind me of all the shit I’m going to have to deal with?”
Milo was one of the first investors I acquired when I branched out on my own, and he has been with me for six years. Now, he’s more of a friend than anything. The two of us have been through highs and lows and always had each other’s backs.
“Because I’m only in New York on holiday for a few more days, and I figured you missed me. Plus, I knew you were going back to that dreary small town where you’re likely to go out of your mind with loneliness and boredom.”
Sydney’s face flashes in my mind, and I know I won’t be bored. But I will be lonely, that much is true.
“I’ll be fine.”
He chuckles. “You’re a bloody fool.”
“Maybe so.”
“You really think you can be around the woman you’ve lusted after for the last decade and not fuck it up?”
I regret telling him about Sydney. “I’ll be fine,” I say again.
He leans back in his chair and grins. “Do you remember what you said when I met Danielle?”
Milo met his wife when he was trying to get her job—his job. He couldn’t resist her. I knew the first time he told me about her that he was completely fucked.
“Yes.”
“Don’t be so chuffed about it. All men have a weakness, and it’s usually a woman. Lord knows mine always was.”
I close my eyes, lean my head back, and mentally slap myself for agreeing to this. Milo knows me too well, and I’m not going to get out of this dinner without listening to more of his shit.
“We’re not all you, Milo.”
“Thank God for that.” He lifts his glass. “My wife can barely handle one of me, imagine a world full of good-looking, smart, funny, and spectacularly fantastic lovers running around. It would be interesting, that’s for sure.”
“And don’t forget to add how humble you are.”
He smirks. “That is not one of my traits. But, we’re not talking about me since I happen to have my life in order. It’s you who is a fucking mess.”
He has no idea. “I had sex with her,” I blurt out.
Milo chokes on his drink and then slowly lowers the glass. “In your dreams?”
Might as well get this out now. I could tell my brothers, but they’ll probably side with her like they always did. Sydney made everyone’s life better. She was the sunshine in our darkest days. We had shelter when we were near her, and we craved it.
After my mother died, she sort of stepped into that role as I stepped into being the patriarch of the family. Dad was too busy drinking himself stupid to care about my brothers, so I did. At eleven years old I learned how to do it all. I made lunches, helped with homework, and beat up anyone who picked on them.
As we got older and became a real couple, she was always there to help. Sydney would bake them birthday cakes and would bring soup if they were sick.
She was my world.
She was my heart and soul and I let her go.
Now, I’ve fucked up again.
“No, when I went for my niece’s birthday. I saw her at the pond we used to meet at, and … I don’t know, I had to kiss her.”
“And then you managed to what? Slip your cock in at the same time?”
I release a heavy sigh from my nose. “I don’t need your shit.”
“I think you do. For years, you have been telling me about Sydney and how you walked away from her to save her. How you can’t imagine how it ever would’ve worked. Then you went on to say that you were done and you moved on, married your work, and never gave her another thought. I’d say you’re either a liar or a bastard.”
“I’m both.”
I’m a liar because I never moved on from her. How could I? My losing her wasn’t how it was meant to be. That future was taken from me, ripped out of my hands without any warning.
Now, I’ve tasted her again, and I crave more.
I’m a bastard because I’ll still walk away in six months without a pause.
Milo nods and then twirls the liquid in his glass. “I don’t judge you, you know? I was no better chasing after a woman I didn’t deserve.”
“And you do now?”
He laughs, gets to his feet, and slaps me on the back. “Not in the slightest. My wife is a million times better than I am. I’m just not stupid enough to let her go. Speaking of her, I have to get back to the hotel. Think about what I said and figure out if you’re going to continue being a bloody idiot or finally get your head out of your arse.”
Milo walks out of the bar, leaving me alone with a half-drunken bottle of scotch. My head is a mess, and it has been since she walked away from me that morning. If he only knew the truth about why I gave her up all those years ago, he’d understand.
The only difference between then and now is that there isn’t a big secret any longer. The truth was exposed, and I could tell Sydney, and I would if I thought it would matter.
But then I wonder how I could really confess it.
I still grapple with the guilt of it all. If she knew maybe we could be friends again. Maybe she would see that my leaving was for her.
Why couldn’t I tell Sydney and let the chips fall?
Before I go too far into that line of
