“Because …”
I turn, glaring at him. “Because I’m smart. Because I don’t do this. Because I …”
“You have a boyfriend.”
Great. I forgot about that. I cheated on my fictional boyfriend. “I have that too, but mostly, I have regret.”
Hurt flashes in Declan’s eyes. “We need to talk about what just happened.”
I shake my head. “No, I need to go, and you need to let me.”
Declan leans down, grabs something, and then sits back up. “Here,” he says, holding my aforementioned missing pants out to me.
I take them and pull them on, neither of us say a word. What can be said anyway? We both made a huge mistake.
He dresses, and we both stand here, looking at one another.
“I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but hopefully, you’ll listen. I didn’t come looking for you to end up like that. I came because I didn’t want us to be enemies and hoped that maybe we could find some common ground. I was young, and I know I hurt you.”
“You destroyed me,” I correct him.
“I was stupid.”
I will myself not to cry. I won’t give myself over to the flurry of emotions that are swirling inside. Yes, there’s anger, but more than anything, there’s hurt. I’m in pain because looking at him, touching him, and hearing his voice has brought it all back again.
When he was inside me, I felt whole.
A missing piece of me was found and back in place. And that is the biggest lie I can ever allow myself to feel.
He isn’t going to stay or put me back together. He’ll leave.
“Are you going to stay in Sugarloaf?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Now?”
I laugh once and roll my eyes. “Don’t be stupid, Dec. I mean after your six-month sentence. Are you going to come back home, fall back in love with me, and stay?”
He’s silent.
“No. You’re not.” I don’t need him to say the words. It’s written all over his face. “You’ll go back to New York, once again leaving me wishing I were worth more to you.”
“Sydney, stop.”
“No. I’m not going to stop. I’m never going to stop wishing you were still the man I fell in love with when I was a little girl.”
Declan steps forward, his hand gripping the back of his neck. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”
I feel the moisture building in my eyes, but I hold it back. I need to say this so I can walk away from him with my head held high. “Because you promised a ten-year-old little girl that you would love her until the day she died. At thirteen, you gave that girl a ring you made out of a spoon and promised her that you’d replace it with a diamond. Then, at sixteen, you held her in your arms, kissing her as though she was the sole reason for your existence, and she gave herself to you. Do you remember that? Do you remember how we snuck out to the barn with candles, blankets, and made promises?”
His green eyes are intense and unwavering. “I remember it all.”
“Then you must remember when you broke that promise, right? Did it slip your memory that you came to that same girl who would’ve done anything for you and told her that you were over trying to force yourself to make this work? You want to know why it’s complicated, Declan? Because you fucking ruined that girl.”
And then, just like the scene so many years ago, I turn my back on him and walk away, leaving the remains of my shredded heart at his feet.
Chapter Four
Sydney
~Two Months Later~
This is the moment of truth. I walk into the bathroom where my pregnancy test sits on the counter. Ellie and I are both late and … I don’t know … I’m hoping I can find out I’m not pregnant and then suddenly start bleeding tonight.
I pull in a deep breath and walk over to my test. “No matter what, it’ll be fine,” I whisper.
My hand trembles as I reach for the innocuous little white test, and I lift it.
No.
No. This isn’t … it can’t be.
I can’t be … pregnant.
Oh, God. I’m pregnant.
The breath whooshes from my chest as I drop onto the toilet seat. This isn’t possible, right? I can’t be pregnant. It was the one time. Just one time with Declan at the pond.
Tears prick my eyes as I stare down at it.
Maybe I grabbed the wrong test. Maybe Ellie switched them accidentally. Yes, that has to be what happened.
I reach for the other test on the far side of the counter. It’s positive too.
Ellie is going to have a baby … and so am I.
I hear Connor’s deep voice outside the bathroom, and I push down the nausea that bubbles up. I can’t do this right now. I can’t face Connor, or any of the Arrowood brothers, for that matter. I need to get out of here, go home, and think.
I’m going to have a baby.
Declan’s baby.
A child that is ... ours.
My mind can’t seem to think in more than six-word increments.
I will myself to grab my test, slip it into my back pocket, and count to five. After that, I will walk out of here and keep myself together.
When I push open the door, Ellie and Connor turn to me. I try to smile softly because my best friend is going to have a baby with the man she loves. There is joy there.
I see the questions in her eyes, and I shake my head, not sure if she’ll interpret that as a, no, I’m not pregnant or, no, I can’t talk about it. Either way, she and Connor deserve this moment. I hand her the test she took and kiss her cheek.
My eyes meet Connors, and I grin at the unmistakable look of fear in his eyes. He’s a good man, and he loves Ellie. I’m happy that out of the two of us, one will
