This is not true. It's just that if a man is going to commit for a lifetime to one woman, he wants sex with her to be as perfect for him as the rest of her is.
The problem is compounded because
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men's sexual needs are more diverse, more immediate, more pressing, and therefore it is more difficult for them to find a perfect female fit. This is a quandary.
Often, a man meets a woman who
seems ideal for him, but sexually she is less than the optimum experience. Most men, even today, feel that marriage should mean fidelity.
"Is This Woman Enough for Me Sexually for the Rest of My Life?"
Roger was typical of the many men I interviewed at The Project. He wanted sex to be great with the woman he would marry but, like for so many men, the fantasy woman he wanted sex with in the bedroom had a different personality from the loving wife he wanted in the living room.
As it happened, Roger came from a very affluent and prominent Southern family. He had high standards in clothes, food, wine, and women. Every woman he dated was elegant, confident, well spoken, and a champion at social graces. He said he wanted to marry a woman he could be proud to introduce to his friends and family and build a life with: "One," he jokingly said, he "could introduce to Mother."
When I met Roger, he was engaged to a lovely woman named Diane who was everything his family could have hoped for Roger and everything Roger ever dreamed of finding in a woman, except she lacked one thing: sex. There was nothing wrong with Diane sexually. She was loving, willing, and warm.
The problem was that, in Roger's deepest hidden sexual fantasies, he dreamed of being in bed with, as he described it, a hot number who was insatiable for his body. Diane was just too ladylike in bed, he complained.
When they were making love, Roger's imagination had to do the work. During sex, he imagined that Diane was crying out dirty words. He longed to hear her in the heat of passion scream out, "Roger, f***
me! F*** me!" Obviously Diane was not the type of lady to indicate her ardor in this manner, and Page 270
I asked him if he had ever told Diane about his fantasies. "No, of course not. It would shock her,"
Roger replied. "In fact," he added, "I've never told anyone . . . until now." Roger is ashamed of his fantasy, as are many men. Why?
Most little boys grew up constantly being told no:
"No, don't touch yourself there. That's dirty. Don't look at your sister when she's dressing. That's not nice. No, don't touch Mommy there."
Little boys entered puberty fearing women would scold them, reject them, if they revealed any flagrant sexual urge— like wanting to hear a woman cry out dirty words. They don't dare ask their favorite woman to play out their fantasy because of what she might think. They dread losing her to some man who doesn't think such weird thoughts.
A generation of adult men now walking our hometown streets grew up terrified by horror comics—not the monsters, vampires, ghouls, and zombies inside the comics, but rather the Charles Atlas ads on the back covers! In the most terror-inducing ad, the wimp (the reader, in his worst nightmare) is sunning himself happily on the beach with his sexy girlfriend. Along comes Mr.
Muscleman who kicks sand in his face and struts off.
With an admiring look in her eye, the poor wimp's sexyex-girlfriend stands up and fo llows the musclebound stranger (i.e., the man who does it right). Such ads induced panic attacks in millions of American men.
Because ego and sex are practically inseparable grey matter in the male brain, if a man wants anything but straight vanilla sex, he feels like the wimp who will lose his girl. Even if he is just hungry for a sprinkling of some exotic spice on his vanilla treat from time to time, he feels Mr. Straight-Vanilla will come along, kick sand in his face, and take his lover away.
Roger felt sexually inadequate because he wanted Diane to do "dirty things" in bed. "She would walk away in disgust if she knew," he told me.
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"But would she?" I asked him. I suggested to Roger that he tell Diane about his fantasies–tell her it turned him on to hear a woman talk dirty in bed. "Who knows," I suggested, "she might even enjoy it."
At our next counseling session, I asked Roger,
"Well?" Roger hadn't told her. He admitted he was therein lay the problem. Roger was having difficulty maintaining an erection with Diane.
still afraid of her reaction.
Six months later Roger broke up with Diane. He said that, although he loved and respected her, the passion just petered out. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a passionless marriage. Sex, to Roger, as it is to most men, was just too important .
I find this very sad because, if Diane could have accommodated Roger's fantasies, two otherwise very compatible people would have been able to enjoy a life together. If only he had told her he fantasized about having a very unladylike hot female between the sheets, Diane might have been able to play his sexual game. She could say the words he longed to hear, and for Roger that would have been enough.
Remember, men are able to get off on playacting or pretending more than women are.
Huntresses, you must find out whatreallyturns on your Quarry and how to use it to make him fall in love with you.
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How do you find out what really turns a man on in bed? Most Huntresses just wing it with what we used to call the peter-meter . They try this, they try that, and then they watch his reaction. Some women do their research smack-dab
