The Country Wife

friend here. Therefore once more, let his honour go which way it will, dear madam. Sparkish Ay, ay; were it for my honour to marry a woman whose virtue I suspected, and could not trust her in a friend’s hands? Alithea Are you not afraid to lose me? Harcourt He afraid to lose you, madam! No, no⁠—you may see how the most estimable and most glorious creature in the world is valued by him. Will you not see it? Sparkish Right, honest Frank, I have that noble value for her that I cannot be jealous of her. Alithea You mistake him. He means, you care not for me, nor who has me. Sparkish Lord, madam, I see you are jealous! Will you wrest a poor man’s meaning from his words? Alithea You astonish me, sir, with your want of jealousy. Sparkish And you make me giddy, madam, with your jealousy and fears, and virtue and honour. ’Gad, I see virtue makes a woman as troublesome as a little reading or learning. Alithea Monstrous! Lucy Well, to see what easy husbands these women of quality can meet with! a poor chambermaid can never have such ladylike luck. Besides, he’s thrown away upon her. She’ll make no use of her fortune, her blessing, none to a gentleman, for a pure cuckold; for it requires good breeding to be a cuckold. Aside. Alithea I tell you then plainly, he pursues me to marry me. Sparkish Pshaw! Harcourt Come, madam, you see you strive in vain to make him jealous of me. My dear friend is the kindest creature in the world to me. Sparkish Poor fellow! Harcourt But his kindness only is not enough for me, without your favour, your good opinion, dear madam: ’tis that must perfect my happiness. Good gentleman, he believes all I say: would you would do so! Jealous of me! I would not wrong him nor you for the world. Sparkish Look you there. Hear him, hear him, and do not walk away so. Alithea walks carelessly to and fro. Harcourt I love you, madam, so⁠— Sparkish How’s that? Nay, now you begin to go too far indeed. Harcourt So much, I confess, I say, I love you, that I would not have you miserable, and cast yourself away upon so unworthy and inconsiderable a thing as what you see here. Clapping his hand on his breast, points at Sparkish. Sparkish No, faith, I believe thou wouldst not: now his meaning is plain; but I knew before thou wouldst not wrong me, nor her. Harcourt No, no, Heavens forbid the glory of her sex should fall so low, as into the embraces of such a contemptible wretch, the least of mankind⁠—my friend here⁠—I injure him! Embracing Sparkish. Alithea Very well. Sparkish No, no, dear friend, I knew it.⁠—Madam, you see he will rather wrong himself than me, in giving himself such names. Alithea Do not you understand him yet? Sparkish Yes: how modestly he speaks of himself, poor fellow! Alithea Methinks he speaks impudently of yourself, since⁠—before yourself too; insomuch that I can no longer suffer his scurrilous abusiveness to you, no more than his love to me. Offers to go. Sparkish Nay, nay, madam, pray stay⁠—his love to you! Lord, madam, has he not spoke yet plain enough? Alithea Yes, indeed, I should think so. Sparkish Well then, by the world, a man can’t speak civilly to a woman now, but presently she says, he makes love to her. Nay, madam, you shall stay, with your pardon, since you have not yet understood him, till he has made an éclaircissement of his love to you, that is, what kind of love it is. Answer to thy catechism, friend; do you love my mistress here? Harcourt Yes, I wish she would not doubt it. Sparkish But how do you love her? Harcourt With all my soul. Alithea I thank him, methinks he speaks plain enough now. Sparkish To Alithea. You are out still.⁠—But with what kind of love, Harcourt? Harcourt With the best and the truest love in the world. Sparkish Look you there then, that is with no matrimonial love, I’m sure. Alithea How’s that? do you say matrimonial love is not best? Sparkish ’Gad, I went too far ere I was aware. But speak for thyself, Harcourt, you said you would not wrong me nor her. Harcourt No, so, madam, e’en take him for Heaven’s sake. Sparkish Look you there, madam. Harcourt Who should in all justice be yours, he that loves you most. Claps his hand on his breast. Alithea Look you there, Mr. Sparkish, who’s that? Sparkish Who should it be?⁠—Go on, Harcourt. Harcourt Who loves you more than women titles, or fortune fools. Points at Sparkish. Sparkish Look you there, he means me still, for he points at me. Alithea Ridiculous! Harcourt Who can only match your faith and constancy in love. Sparkish Ay. Harcourt Who knows, if it be possible, how to value so much beauty and virtue. Sparkish Ay. Harcourt Whose love can no more be equalled in the world, than that heavenly form of yours. Sparkish No. Harcourt Who could no more suffer a rival, than your absence, and yet could no more suspect your virtue, than his own constancy in his love to you. Sparkish No. Harcourt Who, in fine, loves you better than his eyes, that first made him love you. Sparkish Ay⁠—Nay, madam, faith, you shan’t go till⁠— Alithea Have a care, lest you make me stay too long. Sparkish But till he has saluted you; that I may be assured you are friends, after his honest advice and declaration. Come, pray, madam, be friends with him. Re-enter Pinchwife and Mrs. Pinchwife. Alithea You must pardon me, sir, that I am not yet so obedient to you. Pinchwife What, invite your wife to kiss men? Monstrous! are you not ashamed? I will never forgive you. Sparkish Are you not ashamed, that I should have more confidence in the chastity of your family than you have? You must not teach me, I am a man of honour, sir, though I am frank and free; I am frank, sir⁠— Pinchwife Very frank, sir, to share your wife with your friends. Sparkish He is an humble, menial friend, such as