The Country Wife

are unsufferable to those that are sharp bent. People always eat with the best stomach at an ordinary, where every man is snatching for the best bit. Lady Fidget Though he get a cut over the fingers.⁠—But I have heard, that people eat most heartily of another man’s meat, that is, what they do not pay for. Horner When they are sure of their welcome and freedom; for ceremony in love and eating is as ridiculous as in fighting: falling on briskly is all should be done on those occasions. Lady Fidget Well then, let me tell you, sir, there is nowhere more freedom than in our houses; and we take freedom from a young person as a sign of good breeding; and a person may be as free as he pleases with us, as frolic, as gamesome, as wild as he will. Horner Han’t I heard you all declaim against wild men? Lady Fidget Yes; but for all that, we think wildness in a man as desirable a quality as in a duck or rabbit: a tame man! foh! Horner I know not, but your reputations frightened me as much as your faces invited me. Lady Fidget Our reputation! Lord, why should you not think that we women make use of our reputation, as you men of yours, only to deceive the world with less suspicion? Our virtue is like the statesman’s religion, the quaker’s word, the gamester’s oath, and the great man’s honour; but to cheat those that trust us. Mrs. Squeamish And that demureness, coyness, and modesty, that you see in our faces in the boxes at plays, is as much a sign of a kind woman, as a vizard-mask in the pit. Mrs. Dainty For, I assure you, women are least masked when they have the velvet vizard on. Lady Fidget You would have found us modest women in our denials only. Mrs. Squeamish Our bashfulness is only the reflection of the men’s. Mrs. Dainty We blush when they are shamefaced. Horner I beg your pardon, ladies, I was deceived in you devilishly. But why that mighty pretence to honour? Lady Fidget We have told you; but sometimes ’twas for the same reason you men pretend business often, to avoid ill company, to enjoy the better and more privately those you love. Horner But why would you ne’er give a friend a wink then? Lady Fidget Faith, your reputation frightened us, as much as ours did you, you were so notoriously lewd. Horner And you so seemingly honest. Lady Fidget Was that all that deterred you? Horner And so expensive⁠—you allow freedom, you say. Lady Fidget Ay, ay. Horner That I was afraid of losing my little money, as well as my little time, both which my other pleasures required. Lady Fidget Money! foh! you talk like a little fellow now: do such as we expect money? Horner I beg your pardon, madam, I must confess, I have heard that great ladies, like great merchants, set but the higher prices upon what they have, because they are not in necessity of taking the first offer. Mrs. Dainty Such as we make sale of our hearts? Mrs. Squeamish We bribed for our love? foh! Horner With your pardon ladies, I know, like great men in offices, you seem to exact flattery and attendance only from your followers; but you have receivers about you, and such fees to pay, a man is afraid to pass your grants. Besides, we must let you win at cards, or we lose your hearts; and if you make an assignation, ’tis at a goldsmith’s, jeweller’s, or china-house; where for your honour you deposit to him, he must pawn his to the punctual cit, and so paying for what you take up, pays for what he takes up. Mrs. Dainty Would you not have us assured of our gallants’ love? Mrs. Squeamish For love is better known by liberality than by jealousy. Lady Fidget For one may be dissembled, the other not.⁠—Aside. But my jealousy can be no longer dissembled, and they are telling ripe.⁠—Aloud.⁠—Come, here’s to our gallants in waiting, whom we must name, and I’ll begin. This is my false rogue. Claps him on the back. Mrs. Squeamish How! Horner So, all will out now. Aside. Mrs. Squeamish Did you not tell me, ’twas for my sake only you reported yourself no man? Aside to Horner. Mrs. Dainty Oh, wretch! did you not swear to me, ’twas for my love and honour you passed for that thing you do? Aside to Horner. Horner So, so. Lady Fidget Come, speak, ladies: this is my false villain. Mrs. Squeamish And mine too. Mrs. Dainty And mine. Horner Well then, you are all three my false rogues too, and there’s an end on’t. Lady Fidget Well then, there’s no remedy; sister sharers, let us not fall out, but have a care of our honour. Though we get no presents, no jewels of him, we are savers of our honour, the jewel of most value and use, which shines yet to the world unsuspected, though it be counterfeit. Horner Nay, and is e’en as good as if it were true, provided the world think so; for honour, like beauty now, only depends on the opinion of others. Lady Fidget Well, Harry Common, I hope you can be true to three. Swear; but ’tis to no purpose to require your oath, for you are as often forsworn as you swear to new women. Horner Come, faith, madam, let us e’en pardon one another; for all the difference I find betwixt we men and you women, we forswear ourselves at the beginning of an amour, you as long as it lasts. Enter Sir Jasper Fidget, and Old Lady Squeamish. Sir Jasper Oh, my Lady Fidget, was this your cunning, to come to Mr. Horner without me? but you have been nowhere else, I hope. Lady Fidget No, Sir Jasper. Lady Squeamish And you came straight hither, Biddy? Mrs. Squeamish Yes, indeed, lady grandmother. Sir Jasper ’Tis well, ’tis well; I knew when once they were thoroughly acquainted with poor Horner, they’d ne’er be from him: you may let her masquerade it with my wife and Horner, and I warrant her reputation safe. Enter Boy. Boy O, sir, here’s the