Much Ado About Nothing

the lady is disloyal. Claudio Who, Hero? Don John Even she; Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero. Claudio Disloyal? Don John The word’s too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me tonight, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, tomorrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind. Claudio May this be so? Don Pedro I will not think it. Don John If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly. Claudio If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her tomorrow, in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her. Don Pedro And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her. Don John I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself. Don Pedro O day untowardly turned! Claudio O mischief strangely thwarting! Don John O plague right well prevented! so will you say when you have seen the sequel. Exeunt.

Scene III

A street.

	Enter Dogberry and Verges with the Watch.
Dogberry	Are you good men and true?
Verges	Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul.
Dogberry	Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the prince’s watch.
Verges	Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
Dogberry	First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?
First Watch	Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can write and read.
Dogberry	Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.
Second Watch	Both which, master constable⁠—
Dogberry	You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the prince’s name.
Second Watch	How, if a’ will not stand?
Dogberry	Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of a knave.
Verges	If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the prince’s subjects.
Dogberry	True, and they are to meddle with none but the prince’s subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.
Watch	We will rather sleep than talk: we know what belongs to a watch.
Dogberry	Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.
Watch	How if they will not?
Dogberry	Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.
Watch	Well, sir.
Dogberry	If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your honesty.
Watch	If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?
Dogberry	Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
Verges	You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
Dogberry	Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him.
Verges	If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse and bid her still it.
Watch	How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
Dogberry	Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.
Verges	’Tis very true.
Dogberry	This is the end of the charge:⁠—you, constable, are to present the prince’s own person: if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.
Verges	Nay, by’r lady, that I think a’ cannot.
Dogberry	Five shillings to one on’t, with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a man against his will.
Verges	By’r lady, I think it be so.
Dogberry	Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows’ counsels and your own; and good night. Come, neighbour.
Watch	Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.
Dogberry	One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you, watch about Signior Leonato’s door; for the wedding being there tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you. Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.
	Enter Borachio and Conrade.
Borachio	What, Conrade!
Watch	Aside.