Much Ado About Nothing

intend a kind of zeal both to the prince and Claudio, as⁠—in love of your brother’s honour, who hath made this match, and his friend’s reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the semblance of a maid⁠—that you have discovered thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial: offer them instances; which shall bear no less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me Claudio; and bring them to see this the very night before the intended wedding⁠—for in the meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be absent⁠—and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero’s disloyalty that jealousy shall be called assurance and all the preparation overthrown. Don John Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a thousand ducats. Borachio Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not shame me. Don John I will presently go learn their day of marriage. Exeunt.

Scene III

Leonato’s orchard.

	Enter Benedick.
Benedick	Boy!
	Enter Boy.
Boy	Signior?
Benedick	In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither to me in the orchard.
Boy	I am here already, sir.
Benedick	I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again. Exit Boy. I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to love, will, after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love: and such a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabor and the pipe: I have known when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake, carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that’s certain; wise, or I’ll none; virtuous, or I’ll never cheapen her; fair, or I’ll never look on her; mild, or come not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour. Withdraws.
	Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato.
Don Pedro	Come, shall we hear this music?
Claudio	Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is, As hush’d on purpose to grace harmony!
Don Pedro	See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
Claudio	O, very well, my lord: the music ended, We’ll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.
	Enter Balthasar with Music.
Don Pedro	Come, Balthasar, we’ll hear that song again.
Balthasar	O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once.
Don Pedro	It is the witness still of excellency To put a strange face on his own perfection. I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.
Balthasar	Because you talk of wooing, I will sing; Since many a wooer doth commence his suit To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes, Yet will he swear he loves.
Don Pedro	Now, pray thee, come; Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument, Do it in notes.
Balthasar	Note this before my notes; There’s not a note of mine that’s worth the noting.
Don Pedro	Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks; Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing. Air.
Benedick	Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it not strange that sheeps’ guts should hale souls out of men’s bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when all’s done.
	The Song.
Balthasar	Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never: Then sigh not so, but let them go, And be you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of woe Into Hey nonny, nonny. Sing no more ditties, sing no moe, Of dumps so dull and heavy; The fraud of men was ever so, Since summer first was leavy: Then sigh not so, etc.
Don Pedro	By my troth, a good song.
Balthasar	And an ill singer, my lord.
Don Pedro	Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift.
Benedick	An he had been a dog that should have howled thus, they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the night-raven, come what plague could have come after it.
Don Pedro	Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee, get us some excellent music; for tomorrow night we would have it at the Lady Hero’s chamber-window.
Balthasar	The best I can, my lord.
Don Pedro	Do so: farewell. Exit Balthasar. Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of today, that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signior Benedick?
Claudio	O, ay: stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits. I did never think that lady would have loved any man.
Leonato	No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seemed ever to abhor.
Benedick	Is’t possible? Sits the