The Merry Wives of Windsor

Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. Mistress Ford Taking Mistress Page’s letter. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? Mistress Page Nay, I know not; it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mistress Ford “Boarding” call you it? I’ll be sure to keep him above deck. Mistress Page So will I; if he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him; let’s appoint him a meeting, give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mistress Ford Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! It would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mistress Page Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mistress Ford You are the happier woman. Mistress Page Let’s consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. They retire. Enter Fordand Pistol, and Page and Nym in pairs. Ford Well, I hope it be not so. Pistol

Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife.

Ford Why, sir, my wife is not young. Pistol

He woos both high and low, both rich and poor,
Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
He loves the gallimaufry. Ford, perpend.

Ford Love my wife! Pistol

With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou,
Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels.⁠—
O! odious is the name!

Ford What name, sir? Pistol The horn, I say. Farewell:

Take heed; have open eye, for thieves do foot by night;
Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo birds do sing.
Away, Sir Corporal Nym.
To Page. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.

Exit Pistol. Ford Aside. I will be patient: I will find out this. Nym To Page. And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there’s the short and the long.

My name is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch ’tis true.
My name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu.
I love not the humour of bread and cheese;
and there’s the humour of it. Adieu.

Exit Nym. Page Aside. “The humour of it,” quoth ’a! Here’s a fellow frights English out of his wits. Ford I will seek out Falstaff. Page I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. Ford If I do find it: well. Page I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o’ the town commended him for a true man. Ford ’Twas a good sensible fellow: well. Page How now, Meg! Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward, having heard all. Mistress Page Whither go you, George?⁠—Hark you. They speak together. Mistress Ford Demure. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? Ford Starts. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. He turns away. Mistress Ford Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. Will you go, Mistress Page? Mistress Page Have with you. You’ll come to dinner, George? Aside to Mistress Ford. Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Mistress Ford Aside to Mistress Page. Trust me, I thought on her: she’ll fit it. Enter Mistress Quickly. Mistress Page You are come to see my daughter Anne? Mistress Quickly Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? Mistress Page Go in with us and see; we’d have an hour’s talk with you. Exeunt Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly. Page How now, Master Ford! Ford Rouses. You heard what this knave told me, did you not? Page Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford Do you think there is truth in them? Page Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it; but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford Were they his men? Page Marry, were they. Ford I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter? Page Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident. I would have nothing “lie on my head”: I cannot be thus satisfied. Page Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily. Enter Host and Justice Shallow following at a distance. How now, mine host! Host How now, bully-rook! Thou’rt a gentleman. Turns and calls. Cavaliero-justice, I say! Justice Shallow Breathless. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? We have sport in hand. Host Tell him, cavaliero-justice; tell him, bully-rook. Justice Shallow Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor. Ford Good mine host o’ the Garter, a word with you. Host What say’st thou, my bully-rook? They go aside. Justice Shallow To Page. Will you go with us to