The Importance of Being Earnest

being always immensely overeducated. Jack Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd. However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you. Goes into the house. Algernon I think it has been a great success. I’m in love with Cecily, and that is everything. Enter Cecily at the back of the garden. She picks up the can and begins to water the flowers. But I must see her before I go, and make arrangements for another Bunbury. Ah, there she is. Cecily Oh, I merely came back to water the roses. I thought you were with Uncle Jack. Algernon He’s gone to order the dogcart for me. Cecily Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive? Algernon He’s going to send me away. Cecily Then have we got to part? Algernon I am afraid so. It’s a very painful parting. Cecily It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time. The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity. But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable. Algernon Thank you. Enter Merriman. Merriman The dogcart is at the door, sir. Algernon looks appealingly at Cecily. Cecily It can wait, Merriman for⁠ ⁠… five minutes. Merriman Yes, Miss. Exit Merriman. Algernon I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection. Cecily I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest. If you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into my diary. Goes over to table and begins writing in diary. Algernon Do you really keep a diary? I’d give anything to look at it. May I? Cecily Oh no. Puts her hand over it. You see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication. When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy. But pray, Ernest, don’t stop. I delight in taking down from dictation. I have reached “absolute perfection.” You can go on. I am quite ready for more. Algernon Somewhat taken aback. Ahem! Ahem! Cecily Oh, don’t cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don’t know how to spell a cough. Writes as Algernon speaks. Algernon Speaking very rapidly. Cecily, ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly. Cecily I don’t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly. Hopelessly doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? Algernon Cecily! Enter Merriman. Merriman The dogcart is waiting, sir. Algernon Tell it to come round next week, at the same hour. Merriman Looks at Cecily, who makes no sign. Yes, sir. Merriman retires. Cecily Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed if he knew you were staying on till next week, at the same hour. Algernon Oh, I don’t care about Jack. I don’t care for anybody in the whole world but you. I love you, Cecily. You will marry me, won’t you? Cecily You silly boy! Of course. Why, we have been engaged for the last three months. Algernon For the last three months? Cecily Yes, it will be exactly three months on Thursday. Algernon But how did we become engaged? Cecily Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first confessed to us that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad, you of course have formed the chief topic of conversation between myself and Miss Prism. And of course a man who is much talked about is always very attractive. One feels there must be something in him, after all. I daresay it was foolish of me, but I fell in love with you, Ernest. Algernon Darling! And when was the engagement actually settled? Cecily On the 14th of February last. Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the matter one way or the other, and after a long struggle with myself I accepted you under this dear old tree here. The next day I bought this little ring in your name, and this is the little bangle with the true lover’s knot I promised you always to wear. Algernon Did I give you this? It’s very pretty, isn’t it? Cecily Yes, you’ve wonderfully good taste, Ernest. It’s the excuse I’ve always given for your leading such a bad life. And this is the box in which I keep all your dear letters. Kneels at table, opens box, and produces letters tied up with blue ribbon. Algernon My letters! But, my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters. Cecily You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest. I remember only too well that I was forced to write your letters for you. I wrote always three times a week, and sometimes oftener. Algernon Oh, do let me read them, Cecily? Cecily Oh, I couldn’t possibly. They would make you far too conceited. Replaces box. The three you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little. Algernon But was our engagement ever broken off? Cecily Of course it was. On the 22nd of last March. You can see the entry if you like. Shows diary. “Today I broke off my engagement with Ernest. I feel it is better to do so. The weather still continues charming.” Algernon But why on earth did you break it off? What had I done? I had done nothing at all. Cecily, I am very much hurt indeed to hear you broke it off. Particularly when the weather was so charming. Cecily It would hardly have been