The Importance of Being Earnest

does so, and goes out with footman. Gwendolen drinks the tea and makes a grimace. Puts down cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread and butter, looks at it, and finds it is cake. Rises in indignation. Gwendolen You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far. Cecily Rising. To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go. Gwendolen From the moment I saw you I distrusted you. I felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in such matters. My first impressions of people are invariably right. Cecily It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time. No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighbourhood. Enter Jack. Gwendolen Catching sight of him. Ernest! My own Ernest! Jack Gwendolen! Darling! Offers to kiss her. Gwendolen Draws back. A moment! May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady? Points to Cecily. Jack Laughing. To dear little Cecily! Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head? Gwendolen Thank you. You may! Offers her cheek. Cecily Very sweetly. I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing. Gwendolen I beg your pardon? Cecily This is Uncle Jack. Gwendolen Receding. Jack! Oh! Enter Algernon. Cecily Here is Ernest. Algernon Goes straight over to Cecily without noticing anyone else. My own love! Offers to kiss her. Cecily Drawing back. A moment, Ernest! May I ask you⁠—are you engaged to be married to this young lady? Algernon Looking round. To what young lady? Good heavens! Gwendolen! Cecily Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen. Algernon Laughing. Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head? Cecily Thank you. Presenting her cheek to be kissed. You may. Algernon kisses her. Gwendolen I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff. Cecily Breaking away from Algernon. Algernon Moncrieff! Oh! The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other’s waists as if for protection. Cecily Are you called Algernon? Algernon I cannot deny it. Cecily Oh! Gwendolen Is your name really John? Jack Standing rather proudly. I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked. But my name certainly is John. It has been John for years. Cecily To Gwendolen. A gross deception has been practised on both of us. Gwendolen My poor wounded Cecily! Cecily My sweet wronged Gwendolen! Gwendolen Slowly and seriously. You will call me sister, will you not? They embrace. Jack and Algernon groan and walk up and down. Cecily Rather brightly. There is just one question I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian. Gwendolen An admirable idea! Mr. Worthing, there is just one question I would like to be permitted to put to you. Where is your brother Ernest? We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where your brother Ernest is at present. Jack Slowly and hesitatingly. Gwendolen⁠—Cecily⁠—it is very painful for me to be forced to speak the truth. It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind. However, I will tell you quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest. I have no brother at all. I never had a brother in my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention of ever having one in the future. Cecily Surprised. No brother at all? Jack Cheerily. None! Gwendolen Severely. Had you never a brother of any kind? Jack Pleasantly. Never. Not even of any kind. Gwendolen I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to anyone. Cecily It is not a very pleasant position for a young girl suddenly to find herself in. Is it? Gwendolen Let us go into the house. They will hardly venture to come after us there. Cecily No, men are so cowardly, aren’t they? They retire into the house with scornful looks. Jack This ghastly state of things is what you call Bunburying, I suppose? Algernon Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury it is. The most wonderful Bunbury I have ever had in my life. Jack Well, you’ve no right whatsoever to Bunbury here. Algernon That is absurd. One has a right to Bunbury anywhere one chooses. Every serious Bunburyist knows that. Jack Serious Bunburyist! Good heavens! Algernon Well, one must be serious about something, if one wants to have any amusement in life. I happen to be serious about Bunburying. What on earth you are serious about I haven’t got the remotest idea. About everything, I should fancy. You have such an absolutely trivial nature. Jack Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole of this wretched business is that your friend Bunbury is quite exploded. You won’t be able to run down to the country quite so often as you used to do, dear Algy. And a very good thing too. Algernon Your brother is a little off colour, isn’t he, dear Jack? You won’t be able to disappear to London quite so frequently as your wicked custom was. And not a bad thing either. Jack As for your conduct towards Miss Cardew, I must say that your taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable. To say