Kate had no idea if there was a place for Karen in their lives, it all felt horribly complicated. But she had enjoyed the afternoon and so had the girls.
To distract herself, she logged on to her website. She’d built it herself a few years ago when she’d decided to start freelancing but she hadn’t touched it since, except to renew the domains every year, promising herself that when the time was right, she’d have another attempt at starting up her business. Right now the time couldn’t be worse – Rachel had left, her husband was AWOL and she was struggling to keep control, proactive and positive one minute and bereft the next. Yet she had to be realistic about her future and the fact that she couldn’t rely on Pete anymore. She needed to start earning an income again. Did she have it in her to go back into PR? She had no idea but she couldn’t think of anything else she was qualified to do and she had absolutely loved her job for years. She thought about the things she’d enjoyed about it – the writing, the pitching ideas, the hit of adrenaline when a story she’d worked on appeared in a prominent newspaper. She couldn’t go back to the cut-throat nature of a large PR agency but perhaps she could start small, offering her services to local organisations, charging a lower fee to get her confidence back and build her portfolio. Right now, she just needed to get back on the horse.
She scanned the website – it actually looked pretty good. She’d worked hard on it. Logging in, she started tweaking bits of the site, updating information and content. Pouring herself another glass of wine, she became so absorbed in it that she was shocked when she looked at the time and saw that it was gone eleven o’clock. She’d been working on it for over two hours. Closing her laptop, she headed upstairs and climbed into bed, suddenly feeling so exhausted that she didn’t even have the energy to brush her teeth. She was asleep within minutes and slept for six hours straight for the first time in weeks.
14
Pete
‘Same time next week?’ Pete asked Claire as he got dressed and prepared to leave.
‘I can’t do next week, I’m going away,’ Claire replied.
‘Going away where?’
‘To France, to my dad’s house.’
It was the first time she’d mentioned it and his heart started to pound. It had been a few weeks since she’d brought up the idea of moving to France and they hadn’t discussed it since. He’d begun to relax again, assuming she’d realised that the idea was absurd and let it go. He still knew there was no way that he would ever move to France but he hated the idea of her going without him.
‘You never mentioned it before. Is it just for a holiday? Who are you going with?’
Claire looked at him with sleepy eyes and smiled. She was clearly enjoying the fact that he was getting a little riled. ‘I’m going with my friend Michael. He’s an architect and he’s going to look at the house and the outbuildings and see what the potential is to do them up in exchange for a free holiday and lots of cheese and wine.’
Pete knew from what Claire had told him about her friends that Michael was gay so he wasn’t threatened by him but the fact that she was thinking seriously about sprucing up the place surprised him. ‘How long will you be gone for?’ he asked.
‘About a week,’ she replied. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve already booked the time off at work.’
He didn’t give one shit about her bloody annual leave allocation. But he suddenly had a sinking feeling that this new life he had become accustomed to, no matter how precarious and dangerous it was, was about to change again and he didn’t like it. ‘So you’re seriously thinking about this whole move to France, then?’
‘Yes, Pete, I told you so a few weeks ago.’
‘Well, you mentioned it in passing but you haven’t said anything since. I didn’t realise it was still on your mind.’
‘Well, it is.’
He felt himself getting cross. This was the closest they’d come to an argument since they’d been seeing each other. ‘It would have been nice if you’d kept me in the loop.’
Claire unfurled her legs and sat up, looking at him square on. ‘Look, Pete, your situation is complicated, I get it. But mine isn’t complicated. I’m fed up of London, of temping, of living in a rented flat. I fancy a change. Nothing is set in stone yet but I’m going with Michael to do a recce and I’ll take it from there. I don’t even know how I’ll feel about it all because I haven’t been to my dad’s house in years. I might go and decide it’s a terrible idea but there’s only one way to find out.’
Looking at the anguish on his face, Claire softened a bit. ‘Pete, I adore you. You know I do. There is nothing I would love more in the world than for you to be going on this journey with me but that’s up to you. I know you would have to make a lot of sacrifices but I still think it could work for you, for your family and for us. In fact, I think it could be amazing. But as I said, that’s your decision, not mine.’
On the way home, he replayed the conversation over again in his head. He’d assumed that if he wasn’t up for the whole idea that she wouldn’t be either. Clearly he’d been wrong. But he didn’t want her to go: the thought of losing her absolutely terrified him. Once again he
