"Rachel, how about you go to sleep or take a walk."
I backed up a little and nodded. Maybe I was wrong about Nick. Maybe Nick was over me, this was good. So I grabbed my coat and went for a walk. As I strolled I noticed it was the same path I had taken on that rainy day. Again my head was spinning with all the information or just the events in themselves. What I wouldn't give to be home with my parents and away from all this mess. I don't think I was ready to be out of their house to make these decisions.
I sat down at the same bench I did that one day. The cheap wood underneath was cold from the weather. My fingers little by little ran over each scratch, wondering how they got there. I had come here a few other times to get away from this home. Another time that stuck out the most was the day after Mark's party. So I had weird memories of this place. This bench was my away spot since I couldn't go back to the safe cocoon of my parent's house with my old bedroom.
It usually rained when I was here, but if anything would happen it would snow because of how cold it was. It was clear Nick wasn't going to come over here to check on me. I had really scared him I could tell that and I hadn't meant to do that, though I guess I should have prepared more for what he would think of me dying. I could tell that he hadn't accepted that I would resort to that.
I got up and went home, thinking I was going to pour myself some Ice Tea with lemon as I finished the book I got from the library. That should help my mind, hopefully.
24
Nick
Rachel had slept most of Saturday away. Even on a winter morning you could hear the birds singing their morning songs outside the window. I leaned on her doorframe with my arms crossed over my chest, a little uncomfortable with the situation. I leaned my head to the side of the door panel when I was thinking things over as she slept and fought every fiber of my being from crawling up against her to hold her. I wanted her body close to mine, to keep her from disappearing on me.
Rachel was more desperate than I had thought. She did need more help than she’d let on, because why else would she have asked me to help her? God I couldn't even say what she wanted to do and she wanted me to help do that. She doesn't think too kindly of death so there had to be a reason why she would try to kill herself. I guess I should be more serious about this if she is this frantic. I didn't even think she was the type of person who even thought of killing herself. I just couldn't get over it.
Rachel turned her head and opened her eyes slowly. Gradually but, surely her eyes moved to the doorway where I stood. It was like she was trying to piece everything together. "I thought I told you that you're not supposed to watch people sleep when they sleep in another room." Rachel sat up rubbing her head. As she sat up, all of her blankets fell into her lap to show off her blue old camp shirt that she turned into a pajama shirt that would have even been large on me. So I didn't even know how she fit into it when she was younger.
"Yeah, I remember, Rach, but you really scared me last night."
"I guess this headache is my payback then?" She swung her legs that were covered with green long pants over the side of the bed leisurely, and shuffled by me rubbing her head. Rachel turned into the bathroom and I heard the mirror cabinet open. She walked out and stood behind me and I didn't even have to turn around to know that she was now standing behind me.
"Um, Nick, where'd all the aspirin and that stuff in the cabinet go?"
I spun around to see her now so she was looking at me. "I hid them all."
"Why the hell did you do that?"
"So you don't try to kill yourself that way."
"That way takes too long." Rachel's face scrunched.
"Rachel, committing suicide isn't funny."
"I never said it was. I was being serious. Now give me one aspirin or something please." Her eyes grew wide and pleaded.
"Close your eyes I don't want you to know where they are."
She rolled her eyes then closed them. When I returned from where I hid them I put the one aspirin in her hand and she took it in the kitchen with water.
So the days came and went so fast it wasn't a big surprise that no one really celebrated Valentine’s Day. Rachel hated the holiday to begin with, but I think this situation made it worse for her. All the students treated it like a day of gloom, but you could tell the teachers were trying to make it the true day of romance. However, there was hope for next year that we could maybe have a real Valentine’s Day. Rachel could change her mind next year. The courts were dragging their feet with all the federal, state, and humanity laws that maybe Rachel and I could celebrate the holiday next year together.
The rest of February went by even faster. Yet, Rachel wasn't getting much help, but now I paid more attention to her so she wouldn't pull another death attempt on me. This time I had said we should do another 'research' outing. She just smiled and agreed because she claimed that we probably just scratched the surface last time.
We were walking outside heading towards the gate entrance.
"So boss what's the plan?"
I turned around and stared
