The Inspector General

the hospital. Khlestakov Yes, yes, I remember. There were beds there. The patients must have gotten well. There don’t seem to have been many of them. Artemy About ten are left. The rest recovered. The place is so well run, there is such perfect order. It may seem incredible to you, but ever since I’ve taken over the management, they all recover like flies. No sooner does a patient enter the hospital than he feels better. And we obtain this result not so much by medicaments as by honesty and orderliness. Governor In this connection may I venture to call your attention to what a brain-racking job the office of Governor is. There are so many matters he has to give his mind to just in connection with keeping the town clean and repairs and alterations. In a word, it is enough to upset the most competent person. But, thank God, all goes well. Another governor, of course, would look out for his own advantage. But believe me, even nights in bed I keep thinking: “Oh, God, how could I manage things in such a way that the government would observe my devotion to duty and be satisfied?” Whether the government will reward me or not, that of course, lies with them. At least I’ll have a clear conscience. When the whole town is in order, the streets swept clean, the prisoners well kept, and few drunkards⁠—what more do I want? Upon my word, I don’t even crave honors. Honors, of course, are alluring; but as against the happiness which comes from doing one’s duty, they are nothing but dross and vanity. Artemy Aside. Oh, the do-nothing, the scoundrel! How he holds forth! I wish the Lord had blessed me with such a gift! Khlestakov That’s so. I admit I sometimes like to philosophize, too. Sometimes it’s prose, and sometimes it comes out poetry. Bobchinsky To Dobchinsky. How true, how true it all is, Piotr Ivanovich. His remarks are great. It’s evident that he is an educated man. Khlestakov Would you tell me, please, if you have any amusements here, any circles where one could have a game of cards? Governor Aside. Ahem! I know what you are aiming at, my boy. Aloud. God forbid! Why, no one here has even heard of such a thing as card-playing circles. I myself have never touched a card. I don’t know how to play. I can never look at cards with indifference, and if I happen to see a king of diamonds or some such thing, I am so disgusted I have to spit out. Once I made a house of cards for the children, and then I dreamt of those confounded things the whole night. Heavens! How can people waste their precious time over cards! Luka Lukich Aside. But he faroed me out of a hundred rubles yesterday, the rascal. Governor I’d rather employ my time for the benefit of the state. Khlestakov Oh, well, that’s rather going too far. It all depends upon the point of view. If, for instance, you pass when you have to treble stakes, then of course⁠—No, don’t say that a game of cards isn’t very tempting sometimes.

Scene VI

The above, Anna Andreyevna and Marya Antonovna.

Governor	Permit me to introduce my family, my wife and daughter.
Khlestakov	Bowing. I am happy, madam, to have the pleasure of meeting you.
Anna	Our pleasure in meeting so distinguished a person is still greater.
Khlestakov	Showing off. Excuse me, madam, on the contrary, my pleasure is the greater.
Anna	Impossible. You condescend to say it to compliment me. Won’t you please sit down?
Khlestakov	Just to stand near you is bliss. But if you insist, I will sit down. I am so, so happy to be at your side at last.
Anna	I beg your pardon, but I dare not take all the nice things you say to myself. I suppose you must have found travelling very unpleasant after living in the capital.
Khlestakov	Extremely unpleasant. I am accustomed, comprenez-vous, to life in the fashionable world, and suddenly to find myself on the road, in dirty inns with dark rooms and rude people⁠—I confess that if it were not for this chance which⁠—giving Anna a look and showing off compensated me for everything⁠—
Anna	It must really have been extremely unpleasant for you.
Khlestakov	At this moment, however, I find it exceedingly pleasant, madam.
Anna	Oh, I cannot believe it. You do me much honor. I don’t deserve it.
Khlestakov	Why don’t you deserve it? You do deserve it, madam.
Anna	I live in a village.
Khlestakov	Well, after all, a village too has something. It has its hills and brooks. Of course it’s not to be compared with St. Petersburg. Ah, St. Petersburg! What a life, to be sure! Maybe you think I am only a copying clerk. No, I am on a friendly footing with the chief of our department. He slaps me on the back. “Come, brother,” he says, “and have dinner with me.” I just drop in the office for a couple of minutes to say this is to be done so, and that is to be done that way. There’s a rat of a clerk there for copying letters who does nothing but scribble all the time⁠—tr, tr⁠—They even wanted to make me a college assessor, but I think to myself, “What do I want it for?” And the doorkeeper flies after me on the stairs with the shoe brush. “Allow me to shine your boots for you, Ivan Aleksandrovich,” he says. To the Governor. Why are you standing, gentleman? Please sit down.
Governor	Our rank is such that we can very well stand.
Artemy	We don’t mind standing.
Luka	Please don’t trouble.
Khlestakov	Please sit down without the rank. The Governor and the rest sit down. I don’t like ceremony. On the contrary, I always like to slip by unobserved. But it’s impossible to conceal oneself, impossible. I no sooner show myself in a place than they say,