Hay Fever

Horrible. Judith We’d better talk it all over. Myra Making a movement. I shall do nothing of the sort. Judith Please⁠—please don’t be difficult. David I apologise, Judith. Judith Don’t apologise⁠—I quite understand. Myra Please let go of my hand, David; I should like to go to bed. Judith I should stay if I were you⁠—it would be more dignified. David There isn’t any real necessity for a scene. Judith I don’t want a scene. I just want to straighten things out. David Very well⁠—go ahead. Judith June has always been an unlucky month for me. Myra Look here, Judith, I’d like to explain one thing⁠— Judith Austerely. I don’t wish to hear any explanations or excuses⁠—they’re so cheapening. This was bound to happen sooner or later⁠—it always does, to everybody. The only thing is to keep calm. David I am⁠—perfectly. Judith Sharply. There is such a thing as being too calm. David Sorry, dear. Judith Life has dealt me another blow, but I don’t mind. David What did you say? Judith Crossly. I said Life had dealt me another blow, but I didn’t mind. David Rubbish. Judith Gently. You’re probably irritable, dear, because you’re in the wrong. It’s quite usual. David Now, Judith⁠— Judith Ssshhh! Let me speak⁠—it is my right. Myra I don’t see why. Judith Surprised. I am the injured party, am I not? Myra Injured? Judith Firmly. Yes, extremely injured. David Contemptuously. Injured! Judith Your attitude, David, is nothing short of deplorable. David It’s all nonsense⁠—sheer, unbridled nonsense. Judith No, David, you can’t evade the real issues as calmly as that. I’ve known for a long time⁠—I’ve realised subconsciously for years that you’ve stopped caring for me in “that way.” David Irritably. What do you mean⁠—“that way”? Judith With a wave of the hand. Just that way.⁠ ⁠… It’s rather tragic, but quite inevitable. I’m growing old now⁠—men don’t grow old like women, as you’ll find to your cost, Myra, in a year or two. David has retained his youth astonishingly, perhaps because he has had fewer responsibilities and cares than I⁠— Myra This is all ridiculous hysteria. David Looking at her and not liking her very much. No, Myra⁠—Judith is right. What are we to do? Myra Furious. Do? Nothing! Judith Ignoring her. Do you love her truly, David? David Madly. Myra Astounded. David! David Intensely. You thought just now that I was joking. Couldn’t you see that all my flippancy was only a mask, hiding my real emotions⁠—crushing them down desperately⁠—? Myra Scared. But, David, I⁠— Judith I knew it! The time has come for the dividing of the ways. Myra What on earth do you mean? Judith I mean that I am not the sort of woman to hold a man against his will. Myra You’re both making a mountain out of a molehill. David doesn’t love me madly, and I don’t love him. It’s⁠— Judith Ssshhh!⁠—you do love him. I can see it in your eyes⁠—in your every gesture. David, I give you to her⁠—freely and without rancour. We must all be good friends, always. David Judith, do you mean this? Judith With a melting look. You know I do. David How can we ever repay you? Judith Just by being happy. I may leave this house later on⁠—I have a feeling that its associations may become painful, specially in the autumn⁠— Myra Look here, Judith⁠— Judith Shouting her down. October is such a mournful month in England. I think I shall probably go abroad⁠—perhaps a pension somewhere in Italy, with cypresses in the garden. I’ve always loved cypresses. David What about the children? Judith We must share them, dear. David I’ll pay you exactly half the royalties I receive from everything, Judith. Judith Bowing her head. That’s very generous of you. David You have behaved magnificently. This is a crisis in our lives, and thanks to you⁠— Myra Almost shrieking. Judith⁠—I will speak⁠—I⁠— David Ssshhh, Myra darling⁠—we owe it to Judith to keep control of our emotions⁠—a scene would be agonising for her now. She has been brave and absolutely splendid throughout. Let’s not make things harder for her than we can help. Come, we’ll go out into the garden. Myra I will not go out into the garden. Judith Twisting her handkerchief. Please go⁠—I don’t think I can bear any more just now. David So this is the end, Judith? Judith Yes, my dear⁠—the end.

They shake hands sadly.

Simon enters violently from the garden.

Simon Mother⁠—Mother, I’ve got something important to tell you. Judith Smiling bravely. Very well, dear. Simon Where’s Sorel? Judith In the library, I’m afraid. Simon Opening library door. Sorel, come out⁠—I’ve got something vital to tell you. David Fatherly. You seem excited, my boy. What has happened? Sorel Entering with Sandy. What’s the matter? Simon I wish you wouldn’t all look so depressed⁠—it’s good news! David Good news! I thought perhaps Jackie had been drowned⁠— Simon No, Jackie hasn’t been drowned⁠—she’s been something else. Judith Simon, what do you mean? Simon Calling. Jackie⁠—Jackie! Jackie enters coyly from the garden. She has become engaged⁠—to me! Judith In heartfelt tones. Simon! Sorel Good heavens! Judith Simon, my dear! Oh, this is too much! She cries a little. Simon What on earth are you crying about, Mother? Judith Picturesquely. All my chicks leaving the nest. Now I shall only have my memories left. Jackie, come and kiss me. Jackie goes to her. You must promise to make my son happy⁠— Jackie Worried. But, Mrs. Bliss⁠— Judith Ssshhh! I understand. I have not been a mother for nothing. Jackie Wildly. But it’s not true⁠—we don’t⁠— Judith You’re trying to spare my feelings⁠—I know⁠— Myra Furiously. Well, I’m not going to spare your feelings, or anyone else’s. You’re the most infuriating set of hypocrites I’ve ever seen. This house is a complete featherbed of false emotions⁠—you’re posing, self-centred egotists, and I’m sick to death of you. Simon Myra! Myra Don’t speak to me⁠—I’ve been working up for this, only every time I opened my mouth I’ve been mowed down by theatrical effects. You haven’t got one sincere or genuine feeling among the lot of you⁠—you’re artificial to the point of lunacy. It’s a great pity you ever left the stage, Judith⁠—it’s your rightful home. You can rant and roar there as much as ever