Hay Fever

you like⁠— Judith Rant and roar! May God forgive you! Myra And let me tell you this⁠— Simon Interrupting. I’m not going to allow you to say another word to Mother⁠— Sorel You ought to be ashamed of yourself⁠— Myra Let me speak⁠—I will speak⁠— David Look here, Myra⁠— Judith This is appalling⁠—appalling! Sorel You must be stark, staring mad⁠— Myra Never again⁠—never as long as I live⁠— David You don’t seem to grasp one thing that⁠— Simon Why are you behaving like this, anyhow? In the middle of the pandemonium of everyone talking at once, Richard comes in from the garden. He looks extremely apprehensive, imagining that the noise is the outcome of Judith’s hysterical confession of their lukewarm passion. He goes to Judith’s side, summoning all his diplomatic forces. At his entrance everyone stops talking. Richard With forced calm. What’s happened? Is this a game? Judith’s face gives a slight twitch; then with a meaning look at Sorel and Simon, she answers him. Judith With spirit. Yes, and a game that must be played to the finish! Simon Grasping the situation. Zara! What does this mean? Judith In bell-like tones. So many illusions shattered⁠—so many dreams trodden in the dust⁠— David Collapsing on to the sofa in hysterics. Love’s whirlwind! Dear old Love’s whirlwind! Sorel I don’t understand. You and Victor⁠—My God! Judith Hush! Isn’t that little Pam crying⁠—? Simon Savagely. She’ll cry more, poor mite, when she realises her mother is a⁠—a⁠— Judith Shrieking. Don’t say it! Don’t say it! Sorel Spare her that. Judith I’ve given you all that makes life worth living⁠—my youth, my womanhood, and now my child. Would you tear the very heart out of me? I tell you, it’s infamous that men like you should be allowed to pollute Society. You have ruined my life. I have nothing left⁠—nothing. God in heaven, where am I to turn for help.⁠ ⁠… Sorel Through clenched teeth. Is this true? Answer me⁠—is this true? Judith Wailing. Yes, yes! Sorel Springing at Simon. You cur!!! Judith Rushing between them. Don’t strike! He is your father! She totters and falls in a dead faint. Myra, Jackie, Richard and Sandy look on, dazed and aghast. Curtain.

Act III

	It is Sunday morning, about ten o’clock. There are various breakfast dishes on a side table, and a big table is laid down centre. Sandy appears at the top of the stairs. On seeing no one about, he comes down quickly and furtively helps himself to eggs and bacon and coffee, and seats himself at the table. He eats very hurriedly, casting occasional glances over his shoulder. A door bangs somewhere upstairs, which terrifies him; he chokes violently. When he has recovered, he tears a bit of toast from a rack, butters it and marmalades it, and crams it into his mouth. Then, hearing somebody approaching, he darts into the library. Jackie comes downstairs timorously; her expression is dismal, to say the least of it. She looks miserably out of the window at the pouring rain, then, assuming an air of spurious bravado, she helps herself to some breakfast and sits down and looks at it. After one or two attempts to eat it, she bursts into tears. Sandy opens the library door a crack, and peeps out. Jackie, seeing the door move, screams. Sandy reenters.
Jackie	Oh, it’s only you⁠—you frightened me!
Sandy	What’s the matter?
Jackie	Sniffing. Nothing.
Sandy	I say, don’t cry.
Jackie	I’m not crying.
Sandy	You were⁠—I heard you.
Jackie	It’s this house. It gets on my nerves.
Sandy	I don’t wonder⁠—after last night.
Jackie	What were you doing in the library just now?
Sandy	Hiding.
Jackie	Hiding?
Sandy	Yes; I didn’t want to run up against any of the family.
Jackie	I wish I’d never come. I had horrible nightmares with all those fearful dragons crawling across the wall.
Sandy	Dragons?
Jackie	Yes; I’m in a Japanese room⁠—everything in it’s Japanese, even the bed.
Sandy	How awful!
Jackie	I believe they’re all mad, you know.
Sandy	The Blisses?
Jackie	Yes⁠—they must be.
Sandy	I’ve been thinking that too.
Jackie	Do you suppose they know they’re mad?
Sandy	No; people never do.
Jackie	It was Mr. Bliss asked me down, and he hasn’t paid any attention to me at all. I went into his study soon after I arrived yesterday, and he said, “Who the hell are you?”
Sandy	Didn’t he remember?
Jackie	He did afterwards; then he brought me down to tea and left me.
Sandy	Are you really engaged to Simon?
Jackie	Bursting into tears again. Oh, no⁠—I hope not!
Sandy	You were, last night.
Jackie	So were you⁠—to Sorel.
Sandy	Not properly. We talked it over.
Jackie	I don’t know what happened to me. I was in the garden with Simon, and he was being awfully sweet, and then he suddenly kissed me, and rushed into the house and said we were engaged⁠—and that hateful Judith asked me to make him happy!
Sandy	That’s exactly what happened to me and Sorel. Judith gave us to one another before we knew where we were.
Jackie	How frightful!
Sandy	I like Sorel, though; she was jolly decent about it afterwards.
Jackie	I think she’s a cat.
Sandy	Why?
Jackie	Look at the way she lost her temper over that beastly game.
Sandy	All the same, she’s better than the others.
Jackie	That wouldn’t be very difficult.
Sandy	Hic!
Jackie	I beg your pardon?
Sandy	Abashed. I say⁠—I’ve got hiccups.
Jackie	Hold your breath.
Sandy	It was because I bolted my breakfast. He holds his breath.
Jackie	Hold it as long as you can.
	There is a pause.
Sandy	Letting his breath go with a gasp. I can’t any more⁠—hic!
Jackie	Eat a lump of sugar.
Sandy	Taking one. I’m awfully sorry.
Jackie	I don’t mind⁠—but it’s a horrid feeling, isn’t it?
Sandy	Horrid⁠—hic!
Jackie	Conversationally. People have died from hiccups, you know.
Sandy	Gloomily. Have they?
Jackie	Yes. An aunt of mine once had them for three days without stopping.
Sandy	How beastly.
Jackie	With relish. She had to have the doctor, and everything.
Sandy	I expect mine will stop soon.
Jackie	I hope they