Why Men Love Bitches

yourself. In fact, when a woman is trying too hard to be “cocky” she’s usually not moving to her own rhythm because she’s trying too hard to convince herself that she is stronger than she really is.

As Gregory Corso said, “Standing on a street corner waiting for no one is power.” When you don’t wait for anyone, it’s because you don’t need anyone. When you approach men this way, any man who steps up to the plate will have to meet you at your level. First, you have to stop needing his approval—only then will your needs be met.

For example, Lynn had just started dating a plastic surgeon named Kevin. They had separate residences, and one night she cooked dinner for him. He called at the last minute to cancel their preplanned dinner date because he had switched shifts with another surgeon. Lynn had already cooked an elaborate meal. His call came only a half- hour before he was supposed to show up. Had he called her early in the day right after he agreed to switch shifts, she wouldn’t have labored tirelessly.

Here’s where she made a mistake of jumping through hoops. She offered to cook the same dinner again the following night. And she agreed to drive to his place to do it. What she should have done is put “the skids” on the cooking plans altogether. She should have said, “Mmm. It’s really good, Kevin. Too bad you missed out.”

When a man treats a woman with disrespect and she takes it, he begins to lose respect for her. Predictably, Lynn was at Kevin’s place the following evening; he wasn’t appreciative, which hurt her feelings. They stopped dating a short while later.

A bitch prioritizes herself over “melting” into someone else. Because of this, her no means no, and her yes means yes. The objective isn’t to be obnoxious but to have the ability to be clear. You can be very nice and still be clear. A man will respect a woman who is clear and direct about what she needs, without waffling or secondguessing herself If a man is late for a date, for example, the bitch will become annoyed because she is inconvenienced. Annoyance is different than becoming emotional. She’ll say something more along the lines of, “Don’t waste my time. If you are going to be late, please let me know so I can make other arrangements. I have better things I can be doing with my time than waiting around.”

If he chooses not to respect her the next time around, she allows fifteen or twenty minutes and then leaves without him. Her time and priorities are important to her. At no time does she give herself up.

When you’re in this type of situation, ask yourself the following questions: What does this look like from his vantage point? What message am I sending by my reactions to his behavior?

Your true power, therefore, is marked by:

• Realizing what your rhythm is, and moving to it

• Knowing who you are, and what you will or will not accept

• Having the ability to make a decision without second-guessing yourself afterward, and without being talked out of how you feel

• Having self-control, because true power is the control you have over yourself

When you have control of yourself, you don’t need to be emotional all the time. When you have a sassy “edge,” you stay the boss… of you. Ironically, this is also when you become the boss… of him.

From Sappy to Sassy

Whenever a woman is too emotional or sappy, it can be too much for a man, especially with a woman he barely knows. The bitch is sassier, which is easier for a man to deal with. It’s similar to the rougher tone men use to speak to one another.

One man described a perfect example of how men get spooked by too much sappy emotional talk, particularly early on in the relationship. He was put off by receiving several tearjerking Hallmark cards from a woman he’d just met.

Another example of this is a man who was constantly read poems by a woman he’d just met. “They always seemed so long and drawn out. Some of them were short and boring. But the one thing in common is that they all sucked. ‘My love for thee.’ Or, ‘My heart is heavy with love and it’s pushing against my rib cage.’ And she’d cry when she read them. I started avoiding her calls.”

One man described dating a woman whom he’d known for three weeks. He said, “A man doesn’t need to hear a woman tell him that she loves him every thirty seconds. This woman said it over and over again. It was like dating a cockatoo… Love you… Love you… Love you… Love you… Love you!”

Men also notice if you are trying too hard to get into a relationship. Do you have twelve sappy relationship books about feelings on your coffee table? Do you have an ad running in the “personals” while you pursue online dating? Do you have that one pushy girlfriend who gives you away? You walk into your home with him after a date and you hit the play button on your answering machine. “Hey, girlfriend. There’s another singles event at the car wash this Sunday. Free coffee. And I hear there’s a new batch of divorces coming through. The early bird catches the worm!”

Being sassy means you won’t knock yourself out. The minute a man feels you’re trying too hard, the challenge is over. Once you accidentally step into that arena, you have to win him back by showing him that you won’t wait. You have a life. You have other priorities, some of which come before him.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #47

You jump through hoops any time you repeatedly

make it very obvious you’re giving your “all.”

• Don’t talk for hours on the phone before your first date. Joke around. Be sassy. Make your plans or arrangements to meet and then politely end the conversation.

• Don’t discuss deep issues in the beginning. Don’t use catch phrases from therapy like cathartic, processing, triggered, owning it, or inner child. Don’t make chicken soup and tell him you “wanna midwife each other’s soul.”

• If you believe in astrology, don’t tell him that you can only get together when Mercury is “tiptoeing” around the moon, making a threeweek “retrograde” around Jupiter (with a quick stop for coffee on Pluto).

• Don’t tell him who you were in a “past life,” or what you plan to come back as in your next one. He’ll think your cheese is sliding off the cracker.

• In the beginning, avoid seeing him more than one night in a row. Start out seeing him one to two nights a week.

• Don’t pout or whimper when he doesn’t call. You have to make him wonder every now and then about what you’re doing when you’re not with him. When you regulate the timing, it keeps him wanting and it charges up his batteries.

• If he takes you to a nice restaurant, don’t order a celery stick “with oil and vinegar on the side,” and then continue to nibble off his plate like a humming-bird. Don’t be so nervous or concerned with impressing him with your table etiquette. Have an appetite for enjoying life.

• Don’t disclose over your first dinner what you’re “working through” from childhood.

• Don’t try to fix his flaws either. I know one woman who bought a man the book Tuesdays with Morrie. She thought the book would help him with his workaholism. Too much psychological analysis comes across as too sappy.

• Don’t accompany him when he goes out with his friends. You don’t want to be one of the “boys.”

• Don’t do any slow drivebys with your headlights turned off to see if he’s at home. And no highspeed flybys, either.

• If he calls you and asks you to come over late at night after he’s been out with his friends, don’t happily go skipping over, kicking your heels together like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

• Don’t date someone who has addictions of any kind, hoping to “help” him by going to AA meetings with