Why Men Love Bitches

him. Let him work out his own stuff. If he can’t treat himself well, he’ll never treat you well.

• Never call more than once in a row, even if his machine cuts you short. Don’t leave long mushy messages. Keep the messages friendly, but short and sweet.

• Don’t email more than once in a row or send long emails about “feelings,” “issues,” and what you “need” that you aren’t getting. If he sends you an email, don’t respond within thirty seconds each and every time.

• Don’t stop eating, sleeping, or exercising. Keep your routine. If he wants to spend more time with you than you can comfortably give, invite him to join you in one of your activities—like a walk with your dog or going for a weekend bike ride.

• Avoid last-minute dates because you “miss him.”

• Don’t walk in the door, check your messages, and call him right back. Settle in, take a bath or shower, eat dinner, and relax. Move to your own rhythm, and then call back. He has to know you have a life… every day.

• If you’re on the phone and you get another call that beeps through, don’t say “Stay right there. Don’t hang up! Whoever it is, I’ll get rid of him!” When you do come back on the line, don’t always be so quick to report the identity of the other caller. “That was the vet. Tigger had an earache.”

• Don’t regularly travel forty minutes in traffic to see him because you have a roommate and he has his own place. Look at a map and take note: It’s just as far from his house to your house as it is from your house to his house. So don’t feel guilty about having him come your way.

• Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him. Don’t give affection when he isn’t being affectionate. If he’s ignoring you, don’t try harder. “Honey, can I give you a backrub?”

• Don’t be a slave to the phone. Don’t play his voice message back to your girlfriend to dissect every detail of your situation. Pay attention to the big picture. Does he add to your life as a whole, and do you feel good after he’s been around? (If not, “fast forward” the message and hit “delete.”)

• Don’t memorize his phone number in the first week of dating or call him all the time and hang up. He’ll know it’s you.

• If he’s in a bad mood, make an excuse and then go do your own thing.

• Above all, make every concerted effort to stay focused on your life. That’s how you stay sassy in his eyes.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #48

You have to keep from being sucked down

into quicksand. Unless you maintain control

over yourself, the relationship is doomed.

Basic Bitch 101

A man notices something from the very first phone message that he leaves on a woman’s answering service: whether she is trying too hard. She may be trying too hard to impress him; she may be trying too hard to win him over; or she may be trying too hard to be sexy. Whether she is too needy or trying too hard, it has the same effect. The bitch never tries that hard to make an impression.

He dials her number and the machine picks up. Beep! Then comes the breathy voice, which sounds as if she’s half asleep. “Hello there. You’ve reached Susan’s answering service. I am out and about and just a little bit busy at the moment doing, well, [giggle]… If you would be sooooooo kind to leave a message after the tone, I will try my very best to get back to you as sooooooon as I am available. Although I just got in from Portugal, I haven’t quite unpacked yet. But if I have a free moment, I’ll call you. Wait for the beep… ciao… ta, ta… kisses… have a spiritual day… and bless you for calling me.” Beep! All she needs is a 900 number and a pimp, and girlfriend is in business.

As men often say, “Men like a woman who is natural.” This has nothing to do with makeup or dyed hair. Natural does not mean he wants a vegetarian who drinks wheatgrass juice or a woman who wears organic lipgloss. Natural implies that the minute something is excessive it becomes a turnoff, because it looks as if a woman is trying too hard to get the attention. Whenever a woman is trying too hard, she is jumping through hoops.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #49

Jumping through hoops often has a negative

outcome: He sees it as an opportunity to have his

cake and eat it, too. But when you stay just outside

his reach, he’ll stay on his best behavior.

Let’s look at how one relationship unfolded when the woman was willing to jump through hoops. It’s a classic scenario. Sarah bought an airplane ticket to go see Mickey, a man she’d met only once before when he had been in town for a holiday weekend. They’d kept in touch for a month via e-mail and over the phone. Convinced he was “the one,” Sarah decided she’d like to see Mickey again.

The ticket cost $400. Mickey agreed to pay for the accommodations, which ended up being $40 for a motel. After Sarah arrived, they had sex in the motel. Then he took her to a coffee shop with coupons that were complimentary with the room. Afterward they had sex again— while he watched the World Series.

A Kodak moment, isn’t it? No foreplay. No candle. No soft music. No showering together. Instead, one eye is on the game, and he’s listening for the score. “The count is three to two… and the bases are loaded. Steeeeerike!” Any man—even one who was raised in a jail—has sense enough to know that watching a game while having sex is rude. Hardly a “romantic getaway” for two. After two days of being romantic, they couldn’t wait to “getaway” from each other.

Now let’s do a financial comparison. He got plenty of food, plenty of sex, and he got to watch the game (not bad for $40). Her bill exceeded $400. She did, however, get two extra packets of peanuts on the airplane, each containing 2.5 peanuts, for a total of five peanuts. Even if she divided them up into peanut halves, she still wouldn’t come out ahead.

A bitch would never have put herself in this position. She would have required that he come to see her, and she would have suggested a hotel that is conveniently located.

When the nice girl jumps through hoops or bends over backward and overcompensates, she does so because she has a fantasy that he will “complete her.” To keep the spark from fizzling, it’s sometimes best to stay ever-so- slightly just outside a man’s reach, because it charges up his batteries.

The nice girl fails to take a “breather” because of her fantasy that he is “the one” or her “soul mate.” But this fantasy is a liability because it feeds a myopic view that he is the center of her life.

Another reason women rush into a relationship is fear. A woman named Mary said, “I can’t say ‘no’ to my boyfriend. For example, I drive to his place and I wait outside in my car until he comes home from work. Then I eat dinner later and I stay up late even though I have to be up early. I feel totally depleted the next day.”

I asked Mary why she doesn’t just say, “Not tonight, honey. I really need some down time.” She answered, “Because then he pouts. I guess deep down I’m afraid he’ll get another girlfriend.”

The bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself. Almost immediately, women give themselves up in small ways. The cumulative effect of these subtle concessions, however, is what amounts to feeling depleted. Here’s the cycle:

• She develops a myopic view that what he gives is absolutely vital.

• Because of this fantasy, she gives up everyday needs.

• She feels more and more drained but continues to try harder, believing that he’ll be the one to make her feel fulfilled again.