Why Men Love Bitches

much better return on investment… especially in the dignity department.

6 NAGGING No MORE What to Do When He Takes You for Granted and Nagging Doesn’t Work

“Well done is better than

well said.”

—BEN FRANKLIN

A Lover or a Mother?

It’s a scenario that is all too familiar: a nice girl on “over-drive” trying to please her man. He comes home from work and she tries to have a conversation. He tunes her out saying, “I’m tired.” She makes dinner, but he eats in front of the TV so he can watch Monday Night Football. She tries to look pretty; he doesn’t notice. But watch what happens when he realizes the swimsuit issue got delivered; he almost hyper- ventilates. Diagnosis? She feels taken for granted.

Like the bum on the street with a sign that says Will work for food, your sign now reads Will work for attention. Well, no more “slummin,’” girlfriend. We are under new management. Under the old management, you dealt with his lack of attention by nagging. And if you’ll notice, it hasn’t worked. This is why all of the steps discussed in this chapter involve changes in demeanor. When you nag at a man, he becomes more reclusive.

Essentially, you always want to remember that although he is a grown man, inside there is a three-year-old causing him to have Appreciation Deficit Disorder. Whenever you nag, you activate this toddler, and you have a thirty second window before you’ve activated the “little boy gland.”

It’s as easy as changing a radio station. In thirty seconds, he’ll tune you out and won’t tune you back in until the nagging is over. It doesn’t matter if his pants are on fire and smoke has filled the room. He won’t hear a word you say. This is why you should communicate with your actions… rather than your words. Since a man won’t discuss feelings as a woman does, anything past the second repetition seems like nagging. Never ask a man to do something more than twice or he’ll feel as though he’s being scolded by Mom. And whenever you nag, he’ll behave like a stubborn teenager and rebel.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #52

When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you

speak with your actions, he pays attention.

Women often say, “Little boys are so sweet. What changes?” According to Freud, it gets messed up somewhere around the potty-training years. To better understand the origin of the “little boy gland” and to see how a man takes a woman for granted, let’s now turn our attention to examine the behavior of a toddler.

A three-year-old wants to be independent of Mommy, but he also wants to take for granted that she is still right there within his reach. So he tests to see how far he can go. The disobedient little boy wobbles around a corner mischievously and pauses. Then he runs back around the corner to make sure Mommy’s still right there.

With a grown man, there’s one extra step in the middle. After he wobbles off but before he runs back, he will turn to look over his shoulder to see, “What will Mommy do next? Does she nag? Does she panic? Will she chase me?” Your reaction determines whether he’ll take one step closer or another step farther away.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #53

When a man takes a woman for granted,

he still looks for reassurance

that she is still “right there.”

Think about how futile nagging is. It gives him the reassurance that he can continue to be distant and you will still be there. Very little is negotiated with words. He doesn’t sit down and say, “Look, I want to be lazy in this relationship. But I’d like you to keep cooking me meals and I’d like you to keep having sex with me whenever it is convenient for me. In fact, I’m a little horny right now… wanna hop on?”

One would think a woman who’d accept these terms would have to be high on crack. Yet women accept these terms every day. Nonstop. “What went wrong?” she asks. In the beginning he went out of his way to show her he’s a gentleman; he opened car doors, he let her order first, and so on. So he knows how to treat a woman. The slacking off happens gradually without any negotiation and certainly without her consent, so she doesn’t fully realize it is happening until things have gotten so off course. Then she nags to try to get them back on.

Once a woman realizes a man is going into “couch potato” mode, she often mistakenly tries to address it. “You never take me out or bring me flowers anymore.” Or, “We never spend time together.” This is a sign to a man that he has her right where he wants her. Now he doesn’t participate because, in his mind, all it takes to satisfy her is his presence. He quips, “I’m with you, aren’t I?”

To get the three-year-old to run back to Mommy, she has to stay just outside his reach. The reason nagging keeps her within his reach is that he senses she is “locked down” waiting for him. She may be waiting for him to give more, participate more, or be more attentive in some way. But she’s still waiting. On hold.

The only thing worse than him being locked in a cage is the feeling that he has you locked in his. Hence the need for a 180-degree change as prescribed in this chapter.

When he takes you for granted, you’ve triggered the same kind of love he had for his mother, grandmother, or some other woman who raised him. Now you’ve become “old faithful.” No matter how much you scream at him, he knows you aren’t going anywhere. “She may kick my ass, but she’ll still love me and I can do whatever I want.” And it’s this very security blanket you don’t want him to have.

Men know it’s wrong, but they’ll still try to see how far they can push the envelope. As one man said to me, “Men will get away with what you let them get away with.” That isn’t to say there aren’t great guys out there. But a man with integrity, or anyone with integrity for that matter, doesn’t want something they haven’t earned. That’s why a high-caliber self-respecting guy will be attracted to a woman who won’t let someone walk all over her.

If he takes you for granted and you pull back a little with no explanation, it catches him off-guard and gets his attention bigtime. You’re no longer acting in a way he is used to and you are no longer his mommy. This action generates desire for you as a lover. But if you posture yourself as “old faithful,” he’ll perceive you as his mother and he’ll take you for granted.

Failure to get enough attention isn’t the only thing women complain about. Often women nag about household chores. Again, you have to condition him without words. Most men don’t particularly care if the place doesn’t look great or if it’s messy. Most guys are happy to come home and plunk down on the couch with the wornout spot and his butt imprint on it. He doesn’t care if the sink is full of dishes from the day before or that his shoes left muddy prints all over the carpet.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #54

When the routine becomes predictable,

he’s more likely to give you the same type of

love he had for his mother—and the odds

that he will take you for granted increase.