When you’re standing in a grocery line and you look at people with children, you’ll notice that the mother who has control over her child doesn’t nag or holler. She says one sentence or she gives the child a look. Because the child respects her and he is not sure what will happen next, he’ll straighten up. Words are not needed to teach a man how to treat you. A little bit of silence or distance will often do the trick.
Sometimes as a lover you will have to set forth terms that are also in the best interest of the “diapered one.” Why?
All of the behavioral changes discussed in this chapter allow you to keep a calm, charming, and pleasant demeanor. The objective is to avoid being his mother and to make the transition back to being his lover.
A man can’t correlate sexual feelings with feelings for his mother. So be careful of the female figure that you become in his life. To stay his lover, you have to keep him on his toes. This behavior incites his interest and makes him come your way. He is happier being your lover than he is when you become his mother. Granted, he looks comfortable and content on the couch. But he isn’t content when you become his mother because he no longer has a lover… and neither do you.
The balance of this chapter gives you insight into how to turn things around and bring him back to pursuit mode when his mind drifts elsewhere. Men are hunters. What he gets from the nice girl is a protective kind of motherly love that lessens his sexual desire. He doesn’t pursue his mom. What the nice girl needs to understand is that it takes the heat out of it for a man when you give him a predictable security blanket.
Women often reassure, or try to convince, a man to win him over. But the bitch wins him over by acting as though she could take him or leave him. Therefore, backing off in a subtle way will give your man renewed “pep” in his step. You can also apply the advice in this chapter:
• When he seems complacent
• When he waffles about whether to be in the relationship
• When he isn’t respectful
• When he repeatedly ignores what you need
Let’s get started. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200— because sister, there will be plenty of time for that later.
Think back to the beginning of your relationship when you first met your partner. You didn’t nag him. Chances are, you treated him much as you would a friend. You were relaxed; you had fun and laughed more. You felt comfortable speaking your mind. He wasn’t the “be all and end all” of your existence.
When you started nagging, your behavior began to tell a different story. “I’m affected by every move you make.” For this reason and this reason alone, nagging rewards him. Not because he enjoys it, but because it reassures him you care.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a high-powered litigation attorney and can give a closing argument that makes his head spin. Nagging still reassures him of where he stands and where you stand. It doesn’t give him anything to worry about, think about, or mull over. It doesn’t intrigue him or pull him in. Instead, he tunes you out.
Now you want to “talk” and he wants to do anything
• First, tell her that the timing to discuss it isn’t right. Remember, it’s never a good time to “talk.”
• Before hearing a word, tell her she took everything wrong and is being “too sensitive.”
• Get a rotation going: Monday and Wednesday she’s “overreacting.” Tuesday and Thursday she’s “blowing it out of proportion.” And on weekends she’s “imagining things.”
• Change the subject. Say, “You’re starting your period, aren’t you?”
• If this doesn’t work, pick a fight. Be very combative, but repeatedly point out that
• If she has six good points, and you have one semigood little point, place all of the emphasis on your
• Don’t veer. Keep asking about your one little point over and over, then demand a quick answer. If she hesitates, use this as evidence that you are right.
• If she is clearly right, find fault with her that has nothing to do with the incident, and use that.
• Be sure to create your own imaginary panel of experts (composed of people she’s never met). Say, “Even Joe and Jim agree with me and think you are being completely unreasonable.”
• When she tries to explain the same thing in a different way, roll your eyes.
• Appoint yourself her inhouse therapist. Say, “You do this to
• Keep count of how many times she repeats herself, and be sure to remind her.
• It’s like boxing. Jab with the left; uppercut with the right. Then run…
• As Muhammad Ali used to say: “Float like a butterfly; sting like a bee.” Float by dodging the issue, and sting by asking why she “can’t let it go.”
• Keep dancing, and stay
• And, remember, it’s always
The other thing he’ll do is tune you out completely. He can see lips moving, but he cannot hear what you are saying. Like a remote control in his head, you’ve been “muted.” Ideally his hope is that you’ll “nag yourself silly” to the point of exhaustion. He figures if he bides his time, eventually you’ll wear yourself out and go away.
Women differ in terms of how long it takes them to run out of steam. Evidently, according to the men I interviewed, each woman—as with clothing, perfume, and lovemaking—has her own “personalized style” of nagging. Here are some just to name a few:
The Marathon Nagger: This woman will nag for a longer time so she paces herself, for two to three hours.
The Sprint Nagger: This woman will nag for a shorter period of time. It’s a more intense burst, so she’ll get tired much more quickly.
The Momentum Whiner: This woman will start out with a whine and then will slowly pick up momentum, building up to a nag. Then she’ll cry. The longer she goes, the more momentum she builds and the less likely she is to stop.
The Sunrise Whiner: It starts as the sun comes up over the horizon. His eyes begin to open and he hears his first morning whine. Or he’s still asleep, and it wakes him like a rooster.
The Nightcap Nagger: Just as he is falling into a deep REM sleep, she nudges him and reminds him of something he has to do the following day
The Bushwhacker: This nagger employs the element of surprise. She catches him offguard at any moment in the day. One minute everything is going along fine and then, without any warning, she jumps out of the bushes and whacks him.
The Sniper: This is the premeditated nagger who will make one cutting remark. It’s
