girlfriend. I just forgot, but she kept nagging. She even pouted.” What he said next is interesting: “Do you know what the biggest turnoff is? A
We don’t know if she overreacted because he may have been flirting up a storm. But what’s interesting about this story is his choice of the word
If a man isn’t being nice when you’re out, all you have to do is remain polite and then go home early. “I have a big day tomorrow.
An acquaintance of mine named Cynthia told me a funny story about her boyfriend. They were seeing each other exclusively, and one night he went to a stripbar. She was not a happy camper and wanted to discourage him from going again. She did not nag. A couple of days later, she pretended that she had gotten a job at a local strip club. “Checking coats. Isn’t that great?” Then she talked about finding the right platform shoes.
On their next date, she wore hot pink lipstick and teased her hair as though she’d been electrocuted. Then came the light blue eyeshadow on the entire lid, all the way up to the eyebrow. He wanted to see “hoochies” and girlfriend delivered a “superdeluxe hoochie” package.
It didn’t take long before he came unglued: “I don’t want my woman in a place like that!” This began a discussion that ended in a mutual agreement that they would both stay out of “places like that.” (See? Why argue your case when you can get him to argue it for you?)
There are times when a serious issue arises, and there is a need for a more serious discussion. If and when this situation presents itself, there is still a way of emphasizing your position
Instead of being muted, the volume is now turned up and the surround-sound is on. Chances are you won’t have to say a word because by the time you do get around to discussing it, he’s already made sure he won’t do it again. Meanwhile, he’s thinking of ways to make it up to you. All before you’ve said one word. Better, no?
It’s like he’s defragmenting his hard drive. You’re making him clean up his own hard drive without any nagging what-soever. You walk away and do your own thing… while he is “self-correcting” himself.
A lot of women think they need to “cattle prod” the guy out of his oblivion by nagging. “I’ll sting him.” Or they don’t realize that they’re nagging.
Every now and then remind yourself: “Hey, men are people too.” And put yourself in his shoes—being around someone who acts like your mother isn’t a whole lot of fun.
It’s with your behavior, not with your words, that you let him know where you stand.
After all, a strong woman is everything men dream and fantasize about. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and… bitches—it doesn’t get any better than that.
THE OTHER TEAM’S
“PLAYBOOK”
Things You Suspected
but Never Heard Him Say
“Don’t learn the tricks of the trade.
Learn the trade.”
Women often assume that men aren’t “in touch” with their feelings and don’t have a clue about what is going on in romantic relationships. Because men aren’t as likely to express themselves, women presume men “just don’t get it.”
Men have an aversion to talking about feelings. They even avoid watching movies about “feelings.” Mike described to me how men view emotional movies that women like: “There is always a mother, a daughter, and the mother’s best friend. The whole movie they are at a beach, or they are squeezing tomatoes in a garden with a stupid straw hat on. And everyone is whimpering the whole time. ‘Mama? Boo, hoo, hoo.’ Then the mom starts crying. A bunch of women whimpering is not a plot. I can’t sit through two hours of that.”
Men are about as interested in talking about feelings or watching “chick flicks” as we are watching them get under a car and rebuild an engine. To them, watching a movie like
What is also interesting is how men discuss “feelings.” If you ask a man to say that word out loud, he’ll pronounce it with a tone of dread.
This lack of sentiment leads women to believe men are “out of touch.” But nothing could be further from the truth. I spoke with hundreds of men of all ages while researching this book. The youngest was eighteen and the oldest was seventy; some were married and some were single. To my surprise, they were more articulate about their perceptions than any girlfriends I’ve ever talked with were about theirs. I found the men to be surprisingly forthcoming and truthful.
In the balance of this chapter, I’ve taken the best, most revealing quotes and put them all together in list form to help women learn what men notice. I’ve highlighted the quotes that reveal what men think about a needy woman, a feisty woman, and what turns men on or off.
This information will “connect the dots,” confirming the advice given in the other chapters. You’ll understand not only what the advice is, but also,
1. “If a woman doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve, she comes off as less emotional and more appealing. It
