Why Men Love Bitches

This chapter explores what happens when you give up your “pink slip” and the ability to provide for yourself.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #76

He’ll never respect you as being able to

hold your own unless you can stand on your

own two feet financially.

When you have the clear title on a vehicle, you are the legal owner and you have the “pink slip,” or certificate of ownership, to it. The “Pink Slip” in some states means you’ve been fired. However, the meaning here pertains to ownership of a vehicle. When you have the pink slip, there are no lien-holders. There are no monies owed. There are no debts unpaid. This means you own it free and clear, so what you do with that vehicle is entirely up to you. Likewise, when a woman keeps the pink slip over herself, she gains leverage in the relationship.

This is what many mothers tell their daughters: If a woman gives up her independence and becomes financially dependent on a man, she’ll have far fewer choices in life. She’ll end up at someone else’s beck and call. She’ll be at someone else’s mercy. This is why a woman should maintain her independence, her “pink slip,” and full ownership of herself.

Work = Money = Keeping your pink slip =

The ability to choose the way you

want to be treated = Dignity

What mothers may or may not elaborate on is how a man feels about a woman when he has to carry her financially. Before long he’ll feel as though she’s an added responsibility instead of an asset. At that point, he’ll stop viewing her as a privilege to be with.

This doesn’t apply to a woman taking care of children. When a family is involved, no doubt she will be doing her part… and then some. He won’t perceive her as dead weight, because he knows her job can sometimes be harder than his. In this case a father recognizes that he prefers his job over hers, so he can’t help but respect her for her work.

As long as you have the resources to choose your terms, you keep your pink slip and you keep your power. If you choose to leave, you can always grab a suitcase and go. This very independence makes him not want you to leave.

All the “feistiness,” or “sexiness,” or bitchy attitude in the world won’t change a man’s awareness that you cannot hold your own with respect to your livelihood.

Once you hand over that pink slip, he feels trapped because you’ve now become a responsibility, rather than a privilege. And that feels like something he is stuck with. He has to provide food for two, housing for two, and pay all the other bills for two. It doesn’t take long for him to feel the added pressure and the doubled responsibility of carrying not only himself but also another person.

A bitch will usually maintain her independence and contribute to the relationship in some way because her pride won’t allow her to be perceived as a burden on someone else. And she won’t put herself in a position where she can’t rock the boat, which she will do if and when she feels that she isn’t being regarded highly enough.

It’s important to let him know you place your dignity above all else, even if you’re dating a very successful man. He has to feel that, if he mistreats you, you’ll pack up and move out of his mansion into a one-bedroom without any hesitation. He has to feel you’ll drive a Pinto rather than a Mercedes Benz, if it means you’ll be tolerating disrespect. He has to know you’ll give up a comfortable lifestyle before you’ll accept being misused or mistreated.

Usually this can be conveyed with actions, but sometimes it can be expressed with words. For example, let’s say you’re watching the TV movie The Burning Bed in which Farrah Fawcett plays an abused woman who, in every other scene, is sporting a new black eye. You can use this as a tender “loveydovey moment” in which to express your Terms of Endearment for your man, while eating popcorn. Simply turn and look at him, gaze into his eyes and say, “I would sooner be flipping burgers at McDonalds.”

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #77

You have to show that you won’t accept

mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.

When faced with an independent woman, a guy is too busy trying to keep his “welcome” to get bored. But with a financially dependent woman, he thinks he can slack off and she’ll take it. Even if he isn’t the type to mistreat a woman, he’ll grow bored if he gets the sense that she’ll take whatever he dishes out.

You don’t have to be rich; you just have to maintain the ability to take care of yourself. This directly relates to whether he’s respectful at all times. He can’t buy you a dinner because you’re hungry. It has to be a gift that he chooses to give and that you choose to receive. Then the gifts keep coming.

Jeanette told me about how her ex-husband had made her feel when he was the only one working. She recalled:

He was a surgeon and made a lot of money. But for four years, I didn’t own a coat. I felt that I couldn’t justify spending a couple of hundred dollars on a good coat when I wasn’t bringing any money in. So I would wear jackets that I had owned since high school, or I would borrow his coats. The minute I went out and got a parttime job, I felt so much better about myself. Not only because I could buy things, but because I didn’t have to ask him for everything.

If you can take care of yourself, everything he gives you becomes gravy. He isn’t providing the whole meatloaf. The whole four courses. He doesn’t provide you with your livelihood.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #78

Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand

on your own—with him or without him.

He should never feel that you are

completely at his mercy.

Susan B. Anthony said, “I never felt I could give up my life of freedom to become a man’s housekeeper.” It isn’t about whether a woman is a man’s housekeeper or whether she’s bringing in “dollar for dollar” that’s important. And it also isn’t about whether she stays at home to raise children, because this is even harder work. The variable is this: Whether a woman has the resources or ability to leave if and when she wants to go.

When a man financially supports a woman completely, one of two things will happen:

1. He’ll begin to feel “locked in,” or trapped in a deadend situation.

2. He’ll begin to view her as a little girl.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #79

When a man views a woman as a “little girl”

or a sister he has to take care of,

the passion diminishes. He doesn’t want to

make love to his sister.

Again, a man wants a strong woman, not a helpless little kid. Sexually, this will impact the float in his boat.

I know one couple in which the husband, Michael, is the breadwinner. They have no children, and he pulls all of the financial weight. Every time his wife, Nancy, walks in the house with a new pair of shoes, she gets the “two feet” speech.