Why Men Love Bitches

$ They each pay $25,000.

$ The cat lives rent-free.

In this example, George earns twenty times Susie’s income, but she’s paying half the bills. Not only this, the rent deposits transferred from “Bank of Susie” were paying into the equity of his home. What does this prove? That even an educated, brilliant woman like Susie can be too nice.

The financial part of any relationship has to be give and take. No one person should be doing all of the giving. If he’s taking you to an expensive play or ballet and you don’t have time for dinner because he ran late at the office, order some Chinese food and have it ready when he arrives at your front door. If he takes you out to dinner, pick up some movie tickets on your way home from the gym and surprise him.

When he offers to take you out and wants you to plan the evening, take into account his preferences as well as your own. For example, Linda insisted that her boyfriend, Benny, take her to a play. Benny is a “man’s man” and hates the ballet or seeing live plays. Still, she insisted that she wanted to go. He described the evening: “I gave her my credit card and she got the tickets and rented me a tux. There I am, holding ‘wussy’ little binoculars with the long stick on one side. It was an affront to my manhood. I could not believe I had spent a fortune and then counted the minutes hoping it would end. That was the last time I let her plan anything with my credit card.”

When a man asks you to go on a trip with him, be considerate. If he offers to pay and asks you to make the reservations, consult with him about the price of various hotels and let him decide. Men love to feel that they are “in charge” and that their opinion really counts. (At the very least, pretend.) If he pays for the trip, surprise him and pay to have breakfast delivered to the room. Or take him out to dinner to thank him. Buy him a bright colored shirt if you go somewhere tropical or a warm sweater if you’re hitting the slopes. Again, it’s all in showing that you respect what he gives. Men, like women, don’t want to feel taken for granted.

The same goes for a gift that he gives you. If he gives you something, act excited—even if it’s ugly. “I love it!” One girl-friend of mine got a T-shirt from her husband. It looked like a cross between a tie-dye and a paisley print and was so hideous it could scare small children. Even though she hated the shirt, she wore it for him when they were at home, just to make him feel good.

More often than not, women who are too nice err on the side of giving too much. They give to a fault. The woman who is too nice senses that he “needs her” and she runs to his aid like a Red Cross rescue missionary. And she gives— blindly.

For example, Abby married an Italian man named Franco to help him get his green card. Somewhere along the line during the staged marriage, he convinced her that he was madly in love with her. He found out she was a vegetarian, so he gave up pasta and ate vegetables. She loved hiking, so he took up hiking. She was “spiritual” and he decided he was “spiritual” too. The couple’s interview with the INS was successful and Franco was approved to get his green card. A day later he packed his bags and said, “Ciao, bella!” Then he rode off into the sunset. She didn’t have an engagement ring, but she did end up with a huge legal bill for their divorce.

I’ve also seen women who are too nice loan money to men. Usually it’s the women who are struggling who don’t think twice about handing out their hard-earned money. She’ll loan him money to buy a stereo for his car when she needs regular maintenance done on her own. The rule on loaning money? Don’t.

For example, Cheryl, who fits the profile of a bitch, told me the following story. She had dated Rick a couple of times, but she didn’t see him consistently because he traveled a lot. After their third date, he hit her up for a loan. As she describes, “Rick called me from Tahoe and said he had ‘an emergency’. He asked me to wire him a thousand dollars to a Western Union office that was on the other side of the river. But then he kept changing his story about what the money was for. One story was it was a child-support payment to some woman named Babs, for a kid he never even told me he had. He said that he would need to board a river-boat to get to the Western Union station across the river. The fee was thirty-five dollars each way. So I said, ‘Absolutely! I will wire the money. Hurry up and catch that boat.’”

Rick didn’t quite catch on. He called later that evening after his roundtrip boat ride and told her that the money hadn’t arrived. Cheryl acted stunned and then insisted profusely that she had, in fact, wired the money. “You really have to watch those money wires. I am going to go right down to that office and see what went wrong tomorrow morning!”

The following day Rick went on a second boat ride to get his “loot” from Western Union. To his complete and utter surprise, no funds were forthcoming.

Obviously, Cheryl had no desire to see him again because it was in bad taste for him to call someone he barely knew and make this request. But she remembers the incident with a certain fondness. “Hey, I figured the fresh air might do Rick some good. And, if all else fails, he can get a job on the ferryboat.”

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #85

People will show you they have self-respect

simply by virtue of the fact that they want

to carry their own weight.

A bitch is not mean; she just doesn’t volunteer for any “joyrides.” If the man wants to go on a joyride and extends an open invitation, she can choose not to go. Yes, treat others the way you want to be treated. But, at the same time, expect that the man in your life treats you the same way.

The bitchier woman would never let a man think that she’s there because she has “nowhere else to go.” Her financial independence is a constant reminder to him, however subtle, that if he makes her “stay” unpleasant, she won’t be staying for very long. This ensures that the relationship remains respectful, reciprocal, and kind… to all.

9 HOW TO Renew THE MENTAL CHALLENGE How to Regain That “Spark”

“One of the things about

equality is not that you be

treated equally to a man, but

that you treat yourself equally

to the way you treat a man.”

—MARLO THOMAS

Step 1: Instead of Asking Him to Focus on You, Focus on Yourself

What turns a man on about an independent woman is that she is independent of him. When a man is with an independent woman, he feels as though he has an equal partner. When she gives up her everyday activities, he slowly begins to view her as less interesting. Instead of thinking that he’s scored a wonderful prize, he now begins to view her as extra weight.

The first thing a woman has to do to get that sexy “spark” back is to shift her focus and energy back onto herself. She has to develop interests outside her man, just as she did when he was new in her life. Men often find a woman who has passionate interests and activities of her own to be more exciting. They