The Bro Code

processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, carrier pigeons, fiber optics, shouting, postcards, and telepathy. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video, or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

ARTICLE 29

If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 pm. Also, despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

ARTICLE 30

A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

ARTICLE 31

When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

CURRENT HOT CHICK RATINGS

1. Half-Asian Chicks — ↑2 — Multiethnic? Multryesnic!

2. Lebanese Girls — ↓1 — Lebaplease girls!

3. Politician's Daughters — ↓1 — Daddy's issues ≠ Daddy's issues

4. Mute Women — ↔ — One thing's for sure: they are handy

5. Eighties Music Video Chicks — ↑112 — Crawled over a Corvette hood into the top ten

6. Really Tall Chicks — ↑4 — Can reach the ceiling fan… from the bed

7. Mermaids — ↔ — Wet. Wild. Wonderful.

8. Chicks Raised in a Cult — ↑883 — Guaranteed crazy factor

9. Army Chicks — ↓4 — Drop and give us something… please!

10. Girls on Rollerblades — ↓4 — Too fast, too furious

ARTICLE 32

A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's t least thirty.

ARTICLE 33

When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, 'What is this, a chicks' restroom?' if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball… rebounding is optional.

ARTICLE 34

Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway.

ARTICLE 35

A Bro never rents a chick flick.

ARTICLE 36 DD

When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

When in conversation with a woman, fake breasts may arise, but not in the way that you'd like. It's not uncommon for a woman to deftly use trick questions in order to probe a Bro's real thoughts on the subject of breast augmentation.[6] And don't be fooled into thinking your prepared speech on the beauty of the natural human form can get you out of it.

HOW TO HANDLE FAKE BREASTS

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Totally. Unnatural is unsexy.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: Whose?

Chick: You know who I'm talking about.

Bro: Oh. Yes, those must be fake.

Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

BAD

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: No?

Chick: Well, then, why don't you just go marry her, then???

OK

Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.

Bro: I wouldn't know.

Chick: Oh. Well, they are.