The Bro Code

ARTICLE 46

If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

ARTICLE 47

A Bro never wears pink

Not even in Europe.

ARTICLE 48

A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.

COROLLARY: A Bro also never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

When a chick meets a Bro, there are three things she wants to know:

1. How much money does he make?

2. Is he shorter than her?

3. How many chicks has he banged?

Eventually, she will figure out the first two, but a Bro never answers. the third question. If, however, a Bro feels compelled to answer (i.e., sex is being withheld until he supplies a tally), he can calculate an acceptable number using the following formula:

HOW MANY CHICKS IS IT SAFE FOR A BRO TO SAY HE'S BANGED?

n = (a/10 + s)⁰ + 5

n = number of chicks

a = Bro's age

s = inquiring chick's slut factor (1 = nun, 10 = former nun)

ARTICLE 49

Wften asked, 'Do you need some help?' a Bro shall automatically respond, 'I got it,' whether or not he's actually got it.

EXCEPTIONS: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car, loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.

ARTICLE 50

If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

ARTICLE 51

A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs- down.

If you can't get a Bro to scope out your blind date beforehand, there is a way to at least learn how promiscuous she'll be — have her choose the date venue.

BLIND DATE TRANSLATIONS

SHE SUGGESTS… — PROMISCUITY — SHE'LL BE…

Dance Club — 10 — Scantily clad, sweaty, and impossible to hear 1 over the music. A +

Drinks at a Bar — 7 — A lot of fun, or emotionally unstable… promising either way.

Fancy Restaurant — 3 — Boring. If she expects someone to 'pepper her salad' and 'refold her napkin,' it stands to reason shell be pretty lifeless in the bedroom.

Meet the Parents — 1 — Untouchable. But, maybe her mom isn't.

Miniature Golf — 5 — Way too competitive, or a lesbian… and not the hot kind of lesbian.

Church — 0 or 10 — Looking for marriage, or looking to sin it up before confession. Toss up.

ARTICLE 52

A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him.

ARTICLE 53

Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

ARTICLE 54

A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

BROETRY CORNER