Even though the last thing I want to do is step foot back in my parents’ house, a conversation needs to happen with my father today. I want to give him a piece of mind and reprimand him for ruining the relationship I’ve built with Javi for the past four months, even if it started as sex.
After I sink into my couch and sip my coffee in peace, I begrudgingly dress in cotton shorts and a tank top and hop in my car, headed for my parents’ house. On Sundays they usually have breakfast at the country club, so I made sure to wait until I knew they’d be home.
I don’t even bother knocking on the giant wooden door when I arrive because at this point they don’t deserve that courtesy. I set my purse on the table by the door and then stomp through the house, searching frantically for my father. As my intuition would have it, I find him in his study, staring down at his computer, checking his emails. This is normal behavior for him on a Sunday. And now that football is back, he’ll be turning on the television in the main living room in no time.
I slam his door shut behind me, alerting him to my presence as he visibly jumps in his chair.
“Sydney!”
“How could you?” I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but as soon as I saw him, I lost all control of my emotions.
He stares at me with concern in his eyes, even though I know he’s probably celebrating his victory inside. “How could I what?”
“How could you say those things to Javi? You promised you weren’t going to be an ass, and you went ahead and acted like one anyway!”
“Lower your voice, young lady,” he warns, growing tense in his chair.
“No!” I shout, making my anger known. “I am twenty-eight years old, damn it! I am a grown ass woman! And I have the right to live my life the way I see fit! And last night you cast a stone that detonated the first glimpse of true happiness I’ve felt with another person! Don’t you understand that you’re pushing me away? I haven’t seen you in over a month because I was so furious with how you’ve been acting!”
He stands harshly from his chair, towering over me from across the room. “Forgive me for wanting what’s best for my daughter. But since you think you know everything, tell me this. You want to be with an ex-con? A man who went to jail for aggravated assault? How am I supposed to feel safe knowing you’re alone with a man like that who could snap at any moment?”
My head shakes rapidly back and forth. “You don’t know the entire story, Dad!”
“I know that a man who can use his fists to almost kill someone is not the man I feel comfortable being around my daughter. Am I just supposed to sit around and wait for himself to unleash his fury on you next?”
“He would never do that!”
“You don’t know that, Sydney. People that have a penchant for violence can’t always control themselves. You don’t know what he’s capable of. And you haven’t known him long enough to say otherwise.”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve never felt more safe than I do when I’m in his arms. He is gentle with me and makes me feel adored and treasured. He’s shown me compassion and acceptance. He supports me and makes me feel alive. When he’s holding me, nothing else matters.” I take a deep breath before another bout of anger runs through me. “Javi is a good man, the most noble and real man I’ve ever met, and you ran him off!”
“Well, if he couldn’t handle the concern of your father, then that speaks volumes about how much of a man he truly is. People don’t change, Sydney. That angry streak will always be inside of him, and I’ll be damned if I sit back and wait for him to unleash it on you.”
I stare at this man that I’ve spent my entire life trying to appease as a result of guilt, a debt I felt I owed to him for giving my mother and I a life we wouldn’t have had otherwise. But now as a I stand here and feel my identity mold into something new, I realize I sacrificed who I was to be who he wanted me to be.
“He was protecting his sister, Dad! The man he beat was her ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t some random man on the street. It wasn’t because the guy cut him off while driving or looked at him wrong. He was seeking justice for his sister.”
I see his mind shift as he stares at me, which I can only hope that he’s willing to hear more.
Trying a different approach, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction, I lower my voice now. “As a judge, a man that upholds the law and enforces punishment with the hopes of turning peoples’ lives around, how can you honestly say you don’t believe that people change?”
“I’ve seen enough people in my career that spiral down a vicious cycle and keep making the same mistakes, Sydney. I can’t deny the fact that it happens more than not. And a man like Javi …”
“What do you mean when you say that? Are you focusing on the color of his skin? Or how much money that he makes? Is it just about his record, or is it because he’s not Andrew and that’s what you wanted for me?”
I watch his throat move as he swallows hard. “It’s a little bit of all of that, Sydney. He’s not from our background. He doesn’t understand our life …”
“Dad …” I take two
