In 2018, while writing this book, I decided I was going to do just that. I wanted to put kindfulness into practice and take myself on a self-care holiday – to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself, while showing myself some serious self-love. And while it would have been fun to have a girlfriend along for the ride, I decided this was something I had to do alone.
I decided to kick off 2019 in style and booked a flight to Bali on 1 January 2019. When I arrived at the airport, albeit hungover from the night before, the fact I wouldn’t know anyone for the next twelve days kicked in. What if I didn’t like being alone on the other side of the world? What if I was anxious and felt trapped? What if I got seriously bored of my own company? Thankfully, it was an expensive experiment that paid off.
I spent the first three nights at a hotel in Seminyak. Armed with a travel guide, I set out to explore the town during the day, enjoyed a smoothie in a bar overlooking the beach, wandered around the shops and had the most delicious lunch while people-watching. No one looked at me like I had two heads – or if they did, I didn’t notice. I wasn’t nervous, I was excited. This was a very different feeling.
The next couple of days were spent reading and relaxing, getting dressed up and taking myself out for dinner at night. I requested a table for one with no hesitation or embarrassment. I was on a solo adventure and proud of it. It gave me the confidence to realize that most people are so consumed with themselves, they don’t give anyone else much attention. Yes, my mobile phone and Wi-Fi were a perfect distraction to kill time, but I tried to spend the days taking in my surroundings and just being in the moment instead of losing myself in a digital world.
After a few days, I headed to Bliss Sanctuary For Women in Canggu for the next week. With only six women staying there at one time, it promised a wellness retreat focused on relaxation and self-care. I’d just got used to my own company when I would be living with strangers for a week. What if we had nothing in common? How would I deal with either making small talk for seven days or isolating myself from the group? I was apprehensive.
What followed was a week of life lessons, indulging in solitude and reading, early morning yoga, solo sightseeing trips for meditation at the Pyramids of Chi and exploring rice fields; shared meals with strangers who became friends. We were all there for different reasons but mostly to find our sense of self. Some of us were travelling solo for the first time and were amused to find ourselves alone but together. We shared very personal stories and experiences. There were tears. There was a real sense of belonging, and some of us bonded quickly and have kept in touch.
I discovered I like being alone even more than I thought I would, but also relish the company of others. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Learning to spend time on your own is a skill that everyone should master. Moments of solitude with nothing but your thoughts can tap into who you are, who you want to become and how you’re going to get there. There is something very centring about stripping back life and living in the present, even for a short time. It was truly one of the most blissful weeks of my life – it taught me so much about who I am and reinforced the way in which I’d like to live my life.
On my return – late due to a case of Bali belly, emergency doctor, drip and postponed flight! – people said I was brave to travel alone because they’d be too nervous. It’s not ‘brave’ but it has its challenges. Choosing to be alone is empowering. Solo travel is an adventure I’d recommend to anyone. It’s the perfect way to be positively selfish – no compromising on the sightseeing schedule, no debating where to eat or what time to head home after a night out. You make up your own rules and then break them if you want with no consequences.
I can’t wait to travel with friends again and make some memories together – girls’ weekends, adventures with my friend Nick, city breaks with my sister – but am already planning another solo trip to make memories just for me, too.
Remember…
♦ If you’re feeling lonely, reach out to those you know and find new people to share your time with. There are plenty of organizations, charities and clubs that would make you feel welcome. If the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming, do please seek help from your doctor.
♦ Learn to enjoy your own company. Reframe the negative and see time alone as a positive – listen to music you love, meditate, go for a walk while listening to a podcast or read a book. Embrace the quiet moments rather than fearing them.
♦ Don’t be afraid to have solo adventures. Whether it’s to the cinema, the theatre, a spa hotel or holiday abroad, never let the thought of a stranger judging you hold you back from doing what you
