The cheerleader
The one you turn to when you need lifting up; when you just need chivvying along in life. They believe in you, your hopes and dreams, never question your ambition no matter how wild, and will do everything in their power to push you forward and fulfil your dreams.
The straight-talker
Everyone needs someone to tell it to them straight. But if you ask them if an outfit looks good, prepare yourself for an honest answer. They never make you feel bad on purpose but they always say it how it is.
Friendship later in life
According to new research, friends become increasingly important to health and happiness as people age. A 2017 study by William Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, found that while both family and friend relationships were associated with better health and happiness, in older years the link only remained for people who reported strong friendships.
In a separate study of 7,500 older people in the US, he found that it wasn’t just important to have friends – it was the quality of those friendships that was key. ‘You have kept those people around because they have made you happy, or at least contributed to your well-being in some way,’ he says. ‘Across our lives, we let the more superficial friendships fade, and we’re left with the really influential ones.’
So when you’re looking to ‘Marie Kondo’ your friendship circles – looking at those who bring you joy and you want to keep, while thanking those who served a purpose and letting them go – know you are doing it to improve your quality of life, health and happiness!
Have a look in your phone and see – who are the five people you speak to and text the most? Do you consider them your closest friends?
If there’s someone you love and notice you don’t speak to as often, do you feel you should make more effort to keep in touch?
Write down the five people you’re closest to. Now add the fifteen or so people you also consider close friends. Are there people on that list who you’ve drifted away from recently? Would you like to make more effort with them or consider if your relationship has maybe moved into an outer circle?
You might have a list of twenty people by now. Look at their names individually and consider the purpose of your friendship. Do they bring positivity to your life? Are they someone you trust? Or do you think you’ve been slack in your commitment to the friendship?
Now is the time to decide whether you want to re-commit to all these people. If you love them, take the opportunity to tell them! Send a text just to say you love spending time with them and value having them in your life. Or grab some cards and write a personal note – there’s nothing like getting something in the post for no reason to make you feel loved.
Accept that some friendships may have shifted in the past year due to circumstances beyond your control. You don’t have to have a big fallout to fall apart. Trying to figure out when the right time to let go is? That’s next…
‘I’m so in love with her. She’s proof that the love of your life does not have to be a man! That’s the love of my life right there.’
Michelle Williams on Busy Philipps
The Friendship Formula survey…
What’s the kindest thing a friend has ever done for you?
‘Made me godmother to her boys!’
‘Gathered me up after a massive breakup and moved me into their house for a bit.’
‘Visited me daily when I was in intensive care.’
‘Told me that my hairstyle (at the time) was so terrible that she was going to take me straight to a barber.’
‘Let me live with her for free for six months.’
‘Wrote a letter to tell me that they love being friends with me.’
‘Attending my grandfather’s funeral when she had never met him.’
‘Put together a photo album of memories we shared over the years and wrote me the most beautifully wonderful letter.’
‘Looked after me after the death of a boyfriend.’
‘Lots of people want to ride with you on the limo, but what you want is someone who will ride the bus with you when the limo breaks down.’
Oprah Winfrey
What’s a best friend?
‘Best friends are people who help you. They share and play with you. They help you when you fall over. Best friends should be kind. Yes, we fall out. We are rude to each other sometimes. If we fall out, we make up by saying, “I’m sorry”.’
My niece Eliza, aged five
‘A best friend should be someone who understands you, gets your jokes and you can have fun with. They would never spread rumours about you and you should just be able to be yourself around them. We just hang out, make each other laugh and cheer each other up when we’re feeling sad. If we fall out it’s over some melodrama – we wait for it to pass and then make up again.’
My goddaughter Jessica, aged fourteen
5
Best friends forever
When I was at junior school, I had a best friend called Zoe. When she left, she was replaced by Emily – we had sleepovers and went trick-or-treating together. Later, at my all-girls’ senior school, I had a group of friends instead of one best friend, but I didn’t really have a sense of belonging. There were girls I got on with really well, and I look back with fond memories of birthday sleepovers and lunchtime gossip, but the petty jealousies, fallouts and dramas were not for me. Making friends
