The recipe for a perfect friendship doesn’t actually exist – it’s unique to you! Your needs and priorities are different to mine and everyone else’s, and over time our friendship needs may change too.
Male bonding
Forget sports chat over a pint, close heterosexual male friendships go way beyond superficial conversation and bravado. There was a time when men were expected to be the strong, silent types, back-slapping their affections and competing for jobs and women.
I believe men, in this century, enjoy authentic and deep friendships with their guy friends, and there’s never been a more important time for this. According to researchers from the University of Winchester, young men get more emotional satisfaction out of close heterosexual friendships than romantic relationships with women. Participants in the 2017 study said they felt less judged by their bromances than by their girlfriends, and that it was easier for them to overcome conflicts and express their emotions to a close guy friend than to a love interest.
Adam White, a researcher at the University of Winchester and lecturer in sport and physical education at the University of Bedfordshire, said: ‘This is potentially a really significant shift in young men’s behaviour, recognizing they now may be able to talk, share and support each other with a whole host of physical and mental health vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, while positive for men, this may disadvantage girlfriends and traditional relationships, which are seen as having more pressures and regulation. These men told us how they would often prioritize their bromantic relations over their romances. So, if guys can now get all of the benefits from their bromances, it reduces male to female relations to sex.’
Professor Eric Anderson, a professor of sport, masculinities and sexualities at the University of Winchester, added: ‘The rise of the bromance is directly related to the diminishment of homophobia. It signals that young, straight men no longer desire to be trapped by older, conservative notions of masculinity.’
It appears that friendships for both men and women are evolving and becoming more important than ever.
‘He’s a great actor, a great man and I’m glad to call him my friend.’
Tom Hiddleston on Benedict Cumberbatch
‘You can tell we really like each other. We really are friends, and we’re giving each other crap like we’ve known each other all our lives. I just think the world of that dude.’
Blake Shelton on Adam Levine
‘Other women who are killing it should motivate you, thrill you, challenge you and inspire you rather than threaten you and make you feel like you’re immediately being compared to them.’
Taylor Swift
6
Work friends and foes
Friends at work are like a good bra: they perk you up, make you look good and always support you!
You can spend over forty hours a week in the company of people you wouldn’t actually choose to. According to LinkedIn’s Relationships@Work study in 2014, 46 per cent of professionals worldwide believe that work friends are important to their overall happiness. In my experience, having friends at work can be a game changer. Jobs I’ve had working alongside great friends have been a joy while being in an office without close mates has left me feeling isolated and unsupported. But beware the millennial mate looking to further their career. When asked whether they would sacrifice a work friendship for a promotion, 68 per cent of millennials said they would. Savage!
However, there appears to be a huge difference in attitudes towards friends at work across the generations. When it comes to baby boomers (aged 55–65), 45 per cent of professionals said that such friendships had no effect on workplace performance. It seems older people see the workplace as functional and don’t look for emotional bonds with co-workers. However, this generation shows more loyalty to friends, with 62 per cent of boomers saying they would never even consider sacrificing a friendship for a promotion. In another survey of 4,000 employees and 100 employers by Total Jobs, it was revealed that just 17 per cent of us have a best friend at work. I think this is such a shame as becoming close to a work colleague can be beneficial on so many levels.
Having a close friend at work can save your sanity and career, although in my experience, when a friendship in the office turns sour, it can do the exact opposite. The workplace can be a stressful environment at the best of times, so finding ‘your people’ in the office can feel like winning the lottery – but work-centred friendship comes with a whole host of complications too.
I’ve been lucky enough to pick up some of the very best people throughout my career and carry the friendship out the door along with my P45. But for every person I’ve grown close to at work and developed a personal friendship that goes beyond the canteen, there are many that I haven’t.
Becoming friends with someone at work can give you a false sense of kinship. The bond is built purely on what you have in common in the workplace and doesn’t go beyond the confines of the office. Finding someone who really gets you can make or break a job.
Like having your own emotional support peacock, a best friend at work helps you deal with stress. It can be difficult managing emotions and often our job is the one place that triggers the most emotional reactions. In the past, I’ve struggled with anxiety in the workplace and it was the support of a close friend who got me through. They knew the people I was dealing with, the management and structure. There was no second-guessing behaviour or assuming I was being over-sensitive. They could be there for me because they saw it first-hand.
What you get from good work friends:
♦ Lunch companion.
♦ Shoulder to cry
