♦ Telling you when your eye make-up has smudged or you have something in your teeth before a big meeting.
♦ Someone to take your side when your boss is being an idiot.
♦ Cries when you tell them you want to leave your job but encourages you to do it anyway because they want the best for you.
♦ A tea and coffee buddy.
♦ Emergency tampon supplies.
More than just (work) friends
According to LinkedIn’s 2014 Relationships@Work study, office-based friendships are changing: 67 per cent of millennials are likely to share personal details including salary, relationships and family issues with co-workers, compared to only about one third of baby boomers.
Building personal relationships at work can help us feel connected, making us more motivated and productive – but how do you move a work friend into ‘real life’, from professional to personal?
Make sure you’re on the same page and try not to take offence if they’d rather keep your friendship to office hours only. A friend of mine was shocked when someone she worked with suggested they spend the day together at the weekend. They got on, but as far as my friend was concerned, it was a work-based bond. Remember, just because you get on well with someone, doesn’t automatically make them a friend. It took me a long time to get my head around that and realize that, sometimes, you have to accept your place in the friendship circle the other person puts you in!
If you find you have a million things in common beyond your boss, suggest an outing that’s related to your shared interests – a film, sports event or gig. You’ll know after spending time together outside work if you’re meant to be more than just office buddies. Pick your work friends wisely: you don’t want someone who will repeat a confidence so you become office gossip.
The ‘work wife’/‘work husband’
Many people refer to their closest friends in the office as their ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’. I’ve had a few ‘work brothers’ too.
Take Nick for example. The first time I met Nick, it didn’t go well. He loves to regale people with the fact that I was mean to him the first day we worked together. I made a sarcastic comment that went down like a cup of sick – and I’ve been trying to make up for it ever since! There’s nearly a decade age gap but it makes no difference – he’s my little brother from another mother, my favourite person to fly with and one of my most trusted friends. Because he forgave the terrible start to our friendship (I’m sorry, Nick!), we bonded over our love of strong tea, Pink and travel.
I found a ‘work wife’, Jessica, in another office. We bonded over our love of Taylor Swift and nineties movies, and our friendship has flourished through a number of job changes (mine) and a wedding and a baby (hers), because there is so much more to us than the environment we worked in.
I’ve worked with hundreds, if not thousands of people. I didn’t like everyone I shared office space with and I’m sure there were plenty of people who didn’t think I was their cup of tea either. And that’s fine. When your work relationship ends, a true friendship should continue out in the real world. It’s no longer fuelled by office gossip, unrealistic deadlines and comparing hangovers after too much Prosecco at the Christmas party. It’s about making the effort to meet up and invest time in each other’s lives.
Beware the false work friend
At one point in my career it was a daily ritual to hit the pub afterwards. We’d head to the nearest overpriced bar or pub and dissect the day, moaning about management and bitching about things going wrong. It turned out to be the worst practice. Instead of leaving office issues where they belonged, the group thrashed them out for hours. There was no time to decompress. Those precious hours that should be for relaxing and thinking about anything but work were saturated with office drama – and what can happen in these situations is an implosion. Bitching. Infighting. People taking sides. Friends refusing to take sides. Never mind the celebrity dramas we were writing about, the office turned into a daily soap opera.
Be mindful of the time you spend with people from work and the conversations that take place. Any issues that arise after one too many drinks can spill back into the work environment and make for awkward meetings. You don’t need to share your personal life with everyone at work so set clear boundaries, even in social situations.
Know who you can trust, and don’t get drawn into any conversation you’re not comfortable with. The last thing you need is someone repeating a private pub conversation in the workplace and it having a negative impact on your career.
Work friendship rules:
♦ Remember your friendship will last longer than the job you are in.
♦ Treat each other with respect.
♦ Don’t take office politics out of the building, enjoy the time you spend together outside of work and don’t discuss anything to do with your job.
♦ Set boundaries on how you treat each other in the workplace – over-familiarity between friends can lead other people to thinking they can speak to you and treat you in the same way. I had a ‘no swearing until after 6 p.m.’ rule which helped!
♦ If someone asks lots of questions but doesn’t give away much about themselves, be wary.
♦ Enjoy your friendship but be mindful of excluding others. You don’t want to be thought of as cliquey.
The Friendship Formula survey…
How has a ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ supported you?
‘I was feeling very lonely after my son was born, as a single mum of two children. My ‘work husband’ took me out to the cinema, called over with junk food and movies. It later bloomed into a romance and we now have a child, and he’s about to become a real
