The Inspector General

Osip? See what the noise is about. Osip Looking through the window. There are some merchants there who want to come in, and the sergeant won’t let them. They are waving papers. I suppose they want to see you. Khlestakov Going to the window. What is it, friends? Merchant’s Voice We appeal for your protection. Give orders, your Lordship, that our petitions be received. Khlestakov Let them in, let them in. Osip, tell them to come in. Osip goes out. Khlestakov Takes the petitions through the window, unfolds one of them and reads. “To his most honorable, illustrious financial Excellency, from the merchant Abdulin.⁠ ⁠…” The devil knows what this is! There’s no such title.

Scene X

Khlestakov and Merchants, with a basket of wine and sugar loaves.

Khlestakov	What is it, friends?
Merchants	We beseech your favor.
Khlestakov	What do you want?
Merchants	Don’t ruin us, your Worship. We suffer insult and wrong wholly without cause.
Khlestakov	From whom?
A Merchant	Why, from our governor here. Such a governor there never was yet in the world, your Worship. No words can describe the injuries he inflicts upon us. He has taken the bread out of our mouths by quartering soldiers on us, so that you might as well put your neck in a noose. He doesn’t treat you as you deserve. He catches hold of your beard and says, “Oh, you Tartar!” Upon my word, if we had shown him any disrespect, but we obey all the laws and regulations. We don’t mind giving him what his wife and daughter need for their clothes, but no, that’s not enough. So help me God! He comes to our shop and takes whatever his eyes fall on. He sees a piece of cloth and says, “Oh, my friends, that’s a fine piece of goods. Take it to my house.” So we take it to his house. It will be almost forty yards.
Khlestakov	Is it possible? My, what a swindler!
Merchants	So help us God! No one remembers a governor like him. When you see him coming you hide everything in the shop. It isn’t only that he wants a few delicacies and fineries. He takes every bit of trash, too⁠—prunes that have been in the barrel seven years and that even the boy in my shop would not eat, and he grabs a fist full. His name day is St. Anthony’s, and you’d think there’s nothing else left in the world to bring him and that he doesn’t want any more. But no, you must give him more. He says St. Onufry’s is also his name day. What’s to be done? You have to take things to him on St. Onufry’s day, too.
Khlestakov	Why, he’s a plain robber.
Merchants	Yes, indeed! And try to contradict him, and he’ll fill your house with a whole regiment of soldiers. And if you say anything, he orders the doors closed. “I won’t inflict corporal punishment on you,” he says, “or put you in the rack. That’s forbidden by law,” he says. “But I’ll make you swallow salt herring, my good man.”
Khlestakov	What a swindler! For such things a man can be sent to Siberia.
Merchants	It doesn’t matter where you are pleased to send him. Only the farthest away from here the better. Father, don’t scorn to accept our bread and salt. We pay our respects to you with sugar and a basket of wine.
Khlestakov	No, no. Don’t think of it. I don’t take bribes. Oh, if, for example, you would offer me a loan of three hundred rubles, that’s quite different. I am willing to take a loan.
Merchants	If you please, father. They take out money. But what is three hundred? Better take five hundred. Only help us.
Khlestakov	Very well. About a loan I won’t say a word. I’ll take it.
Merchants	Proffering him the money on a silver tray. Do please take the tray, too.
Khlestakov	Very well. I can take the tray, too.
Merchants	Bowing. Then take the sugar at the same time.
Khlestakov	Oh, no. I take no bribes.
Osip	Why don’t you take the sugar, your Highness? Take it. Everything will come in handy on the road. Give here the sugar and that case. Give them here. It’ll all be of use. What have you got there⁠—a string? Give it here. A string will be handy on the road, too, if the coach or something else should break⁠—for tying it up.
Merchants	Do us this great favor, your illustrious Highness. Why, if you don’t help us in our appeal to you, then we simply don’t know how we are to exist. We might as well put our necks in a noose.
Khlestakov	Positively, positively. I shall exert my efforts in your behalf.
	The Merchants leave. A woman’s voice is heard saying: “Don’t you dare not to let me in. I’ll make a complaint against you to him himself. Don’t push me that way. It hurts.”
Khlestakov	Who is there? Goes to the window. What is it, mother?
	Two women’s voices are heard: “We beseech your grace, father. Give orders, your Lordship, for us to be heard.”
Khlestakov	Let her in.

Scene XI

Khlestakov, the Locksmith’s Wife, and the noncommissioned Officer’s Widow.

Locksmith’s Wife	Kneeling. I beseech your grace.
Widow	I beseech your grace.
Khlestakov	Who are you?
Widow	Ivanova, widow of a noncommissioned officer.
Locksmith’s Wife	Fevronya Petrova Poshliopkina, the wife of a locksmith, a burgess of this town. My father⁠—
Khlestakov	Stop! One at a time. What do you want?
Locksmith’s Wife	I beg for your grace. I beseech your aid against the governor. May God send all evil upon him. May neither he nor his children nor his uncles nor his aunts ever prosper in any of their undertakings.
Khlestakov	What’s the matter?
Locksmith’s Wife	He ordered my husband to shave his forehead as a soldier, and our turn hadn’t come, and it is against the law, my husband being a married man.
Khlestakov	How could he do it, then?
Locksmith’s Wife	He did it, he did it, the blackguard! May God smite him both