The Inspector General

in this world and the next. If he has an aunt, may all harm descend upon her. And if his father is living, may the rascal perish, may he choke to death. Such a cheat! The son of the tailor should have been levied. And he is a drunkard, too. But his parents gave the governor a rich present, so he fastened on the son of the tradeswoman, Panteleyeva. And Panteleyeva also sent his wife three pieces of linen. So then he comes to me. “What do you want your husband for?” he says. “He isn’t any good to you any more.” It’s for me to know whether he is any good or not. That’s my business. The old cheat! “He’s a thief,” he says. “Although he hasn’t stolen anything, that doesn’t matter. He is going to steal. And he’ll be recruited next year anyway.” How can I do without a husband? I am not a strong woman. The skunk! May none of his kith and kin ever see the light of God. And if he has a mother-in-law, may she, too⁠— Khlestakov All right, all right. Well, and you? Addressing the Widow and leading the Locksmith’s Wife to the door. Locksmith’s Wife Leaving. Don’t forget, father. Be kind and gracious to me. Widow I have come to complain against the Governor, father. Khlestakov What is it? What for? Be brief. Widow He flogged me, father. Khlestakov How so? Widow By mistake, my father. Our women got into a squabble in the market, and when the police came, it was all over, and they took me and reported me⁠—I couldn’t sit down for two days. Khlestakov But what’s to be done now? Widow There’s nothing to be done, of course. But if you please, order him to pay a fine for the mistake. I can’t undo my luck. But the money would be very useful to me now. Khlestakov All right, all right. Go now, go. I’ll see to it. Hands with petitions are thrust through the window. Who else is out there? Goes to the window. No, no. I don’t want to, I don’t want to. Leaves the window. I’m sick of it, the devil take it! Don’t let them in, Osip. Osip Calling through the window. Go away, go away! He has no time. Come tomorrow. The door opens and a figure appears in a shag cloak, with unshaven beard, swollen lip, and a bandage over his cheek. Behind him appear a whole line of others. Osip Go away, go away! What are you crowding in here for? He puts his hands against the stomach of the first one, and goes out through the door, pushing him and banging the door behind.

Scene XII

Khlestakov and Marya Antonovna.

Marya	Oh!
Khlestakov	What frightened you so, mademoiselle?
Marya	I wasn’t frightened.
Khlestakov	Showing off. Please, miss. It’s a great pleasure to me that you took me for a man who⁠—May I venture to ask you where you were going?
Marya	I really wasn’t going anywhere.
Khlestakov	But why weren’t you going anywhere?
Marya	I was wondering whether mamma was here.
Khlestakov	No. I’d like to know why you weren’t going anywhere.
Marya	I should have been in your way. You were occupied with important matters.
Khlestakov	Showing off. Your eyes are better than important matters. You cannot possibly disturb me. No, indeed, by no means. On the contrary, you afford me great pleasure.
Marya	You speak like a man from the capital.
Khlestakov	For such a beautiful lady as you. May I give myself the pleasure of offering you a chair? But no, you should have, not a chair, but a throne.
Marya	I really don’t know⁠—I really must go. She sits down.
Khlestakov	What a beautiful scarf that is.
Marya	You are making fun of me. You’re only ridiculing the provincials.
Khlestakov	Oh, mademoiselle, how I long to be your scarf, so that I might embrace your lily neck.
Marya	I haven’t the least idea what you are talking about⁠—scarf!⁠—Peculiar weather today, isn’t it?
Khlestakov	Your lips, mademoiselle, are better than any weather.
Marya	You are just saying that⁠—I should like to ask you⁠—I’d rather you would write some verses in my album for a souvenir. You must know very many.
Khlestakov	Anything you desire, mademoiselle. Ask! What verses will you have?
Marya	Any at all. Pretty, new verses.
Khlestakov	Oh, what are verses! I know a lot of them.
Marya	Well, tell me. What verses will you write for me?
Khlestakov	What’s the use? I know them anyway.
Marya	I love them so.
Khlestakov	I have lots of them⁠—of every sort. If you like, for example, I’ll give you this: “Oh, thou, mortal man, who in thy anguish murmurest against God⁠—” and others. I can’t remember them now. Besides, it’s all bosh. I’d rather offer you my love instead, which ever since your first glance⁠—Moves his chair nearer.
Marya	Love? I don’t understand love. I never knew what love is. Moves her chair away.
Khlestakov	Why do you move your chair away? It is better for us to sit near each other.
Marya	Moving away. Why near? It’s all the same if it’s far away.
Khlestakov	Moving nearer. Why far? It’s all the same if it’s near.
Marya	Moving away. But what for?
Khlestakov	Moving nearer. It only seems near to you. Imagine it’s far. How happy I would be, mademoiselle, if I could clasp you in my embrace.
Marya	Looking through the window. What is that? It looked as if something had flown by. Was it a magpie or some other bird?
Khlestakov	Kisses her shoulder and looks through the window. It’s a magpie.
Marya	Rises indignantly. No, that’s too much⁠—Such rudeness, such impertinence.
Khlestakov	Holding her back. Forgive me, mademoiselle. I did it only out of love⁠—only out of love, nothing else.
Marya	You take me for a silly provincial wench. Struggles to go away.
Khlestakov	Still holding her back. It’s out of love, really⁠—out of love. It was just a little fun. Marya Antonovna, don’t be angry. I’m ready to beg your forgiveness on my knees. Falls