Hay Fever

epub:type="z3998:persona">Judith You ought never to have married me, David; it was a great mistake. David The atmosphere of this house is becoming more unbearable every day, and all because Simon and Sorel are allowed to do exactly what they like. Judith You sit upstairs all day, writing your novels. David Novels which earn us our daily bread. Judith “Daily bread” nonsense! We’ve got enough money to keep us in comfort until we die. David That will be very soon, if we can’t get a little peace. To Myra. Come out into the garden⁠— Judith I sincerely hope the night air will cool you. David I don’t know what’s happened to you lately, Judith. Judith Nothing’s happened to me⁠—nothing ever does. You’re far too smug to allow it. David Smug! Thank you. Judith Yes, smug, smug, smug! And pompous! David I hope you haven’t been drinking, dear. Judith Drinking! Huh! that’s very amusing! David I think it’s rather tragic, at your time of life. He goes out with Myra. Judith David’s been a good husband to me, but he’s wearing a bit thin now. Richard Would you like me to go? To leave you alone for a little? Judith Why? Are you afraid I shall become violent? Richard Smiling. No; I merely thought perhaps I was in the way. Judith I hope you’re not embarrassed⁠—I couldn’t bear you to be embarrassed. Richard Not in the least. Judith Marriage is a hideous affair altogether, don’t you think? Richard I’m really hardly qualified to judge, you see. Judith Do stop being noncommittal, just for once; it’s doubly annoying in the face of us all having lost control so lamentably. Richard I’m sorry. Judith There’s nothing to be sorry for, really, because, after all, it’s your particular “thing,” isn’t it?⁠—observing everything and not giving yourself away an inch. Richard I suppose it is. Judith You’ll get used to us in time, you know, and then you’ll feel cosier. Why don’t you sit down? She sits on sofa. Richard I’m enjoying myself very much. Judith It’s very sweet of you to say so, but I don’t see how you can be. Richard Laughing suddenly. But I am! Judith There now! that was quite a genuine laugh. We’re getting on. Are you in love with Sorel? Richard Surprised and embarrassed. In love with Sorel? Judith Repentantly. Now I’ve killed it⁠—I’ve murdered the little tender feeling of comfort that was stealing over you, by sheer tactlessness! Will you teach me to be tactful? Richard Did you really think I was in love with Sorel? Judith It’s so difficult to tell, isn’t it?⁠—I mean, you might not know yourself. She’s very attractive. Richard Yes, she is⁠—very. Judith Have you heard her sing? Richard No, not yet. Judith She sings beautifully. Are you susceptible to music? Richard I’m afraid I don’t know very much about it. Judith You probably are, then. I’ll sing you something. Richard Please do. Judith Rising. It’s awfully sad for a woman of my temperament to have a grown-up daughter, you know. I have to put my pride in my pocket and develop in her all the charming little feminine tricks which will eventually cut me out altogether. Richard That wouldn’t be possible. Judith I do hope you meant that, because it was a sweet remark. She is at the piano, turning over music. Richard Following her. Of course I meant it. Judith Will you lean on the piano in an attentive attitude? It’s such a help. Richard You’re an extraordinary person. Judith Beginning to play. In what way extraordinary? Richard When I first met Sorel, I guessed what you’d be like. Judith Did you, now? And am I? Richard Smiling. Exactly. Judith Oh, well.⁠ ⁠… She plays and sings a little French song. There is a slight pause when it is finished. Richard With feeling. Thank you. Judith Rising from the piano. It’s pretty, isn’t it? Richard Perfectly enchanting. Judith Shall we sit down again? She reseats herself on sofa. Richard Won’t you sing any more? Judith No, no more⁠—I want you to talk to me and tell me all about yourself, and the things you’ve done. Richard I’ve done nothing. Judith What a shame! Why not? Richard I never realise how dead I am until I meet people like you. It’s depressing, you know. Judith What nonsense! You’re not a bit dead. Richard Do you always live here? Judith I’m going to, from now onwards. I intend to sink into a very beautiful old age. When the children marry, I shall wear a cap. Richard Smiling. How absurd! Judith I don’t mean a funny cap. Richard You’re far too full of vitality to sink into anything. Judith It’s entirely spurious vitality. If you troubled to look below the surface, you’d find a very wistful and weary spirit. I’ve been battling with life for a long time. Richard Surely such successful battles as yours have been are not wearying? Judith Yes, they are⁠—frightfully. I’ve reached an age now when I just want to sit back and let things go on around me⁠—and they do. Richard I should like to know exactly what you’re thinking about⁠—really. Judith I was thinking of calling you Richard. It’s such a nice uncompromising name. Richard I should be very flattered if you would. Judith I won’t suggest you calling me Judith until you feel really comfortable about me. Richard But I do⁠—Judith. Judith I’m awfully glad. Will you give me a cigarette? Richard Producing case. Certainly. Judith Taking one. That’s a divine case. Richard It was given to me in Japan three years ago. All those little designs mean things. Judith Bending over it. What sort of things? Richard Charms for happiness, and luck, and⁠—love. Judith Which is the charm for love? Richard That one. Judith What a dear! Richard Kissing her gently. Judith! Judith Jumping. Richard! Richard I’m afraid I couldn’t help it. Judith Dramatically. What are we to do? What are we to do? Richard I don’t know. Judith David must be told⁠—everything! Richard Alarmed. Everything? Judith Enjoying herself. Yes, yes. There come moments in life when it is necessary to be honest⁠—absolutely honest. I’ve trained myself always to shun the underhand methods other women so often employ⁠—the truth must be faced fair and square⁠— Richard Extremely alarmed. The truth? I don’t quite understand. Judith Dear Richard, you want to spare me, I know⁠—you’re so