Hay Fever

dear. Clara enters. Judith Clara⁠—before you open the door⁠—we shall be eight for dinner. Clara My God! Simon And for breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner tomorrow. Judith Vaguely. Will you get various rooms ready? Clara I shall have to⁠—they can’t sleep in the passage. Sorel How we’ve upset Clara. Judith It can’t be helped⁠—nothing can be helped. It’s fate⁠—everything that happens is fate. That’s always a great comfort to me. Clara More like arrant selfishness. Judith You mustn’t be pert, Clara. Clara Pert I may be, but I ’ave got some thought for others. Eight for dinner⁠—Amy going home early. It’s more nor less than an imposition. The bell rings again. Simon Hadn’t you better let them all in? Clara goes to the front door and admits Sandy Tyrell, who is a fresh-looking young man; he has an unspoilt, youthful sense of honour and rather big hands, owing to a misplaced enthusiasm for amateur boxing. Clara goes out. Sandy To Judith. I say, it’s perfectly ripping of you to let me come down. Judith Are you alone? Sandy Surprised. Yes. Judith I mean, you didn’t meet anyone at the station? Sandy I motored down; my car’s outside. Would you like me to meet anybody? Judith Oh, no. I must introduce you. This is my daughter Sorel, and my son Simon. Sandy Shaking hands. How-do-you-do. Sorel Coldly. I’m extremely well, thank you, and I hope you are. Simon So do I. They both go upstairs rather grandly. Sandy looks shattered. Judith You must forgive me for having rather peculiar children. Have you got a bag or anything? Sandy Yes; it’s in the car. Judith We’d better leave it there for the moment, as Clara has to get the tea. We’ll find you a room afterwards. Sandy I’ve been looking forward to this most awfully. Judith It is nice, isn’t it? You can see as far as Marlow on a clear day, they tell me. Sandy I meant I’ve been looking forward to seeing you. Judith How perfectly sweet of you. Would you like a drink? Sandy No thanks. I’m in training. Judith Sitting on sofa and motioning him to sit beside her. How lovely. What for? Sandy I’m boxing again in a couple of weeks. Judith I must come to your first night. Sandy You look simply splendid. Judith I’m so glad. You know, you mustn’t mind if Simon and Sorel insult you a little⁠—they’ve been very bad-tempered lately. Sandy It’s awfully funny you having a grown-up son and daughter at all. I can hardly believe it. Judith Quickly. I was married very young. Sandy I don’t wonder. You know, it’s frightfully queer the way I’ve been planning to know you for ages, and I never did until last week. Judith I liked you from the first, really, because you’re such a nice shape. Sandy Slightly embarrassed. Oh, I see.⁠ ⁠… Judith Small hips and lovely long legs⁠—I wish Simon had smaller hips. Do you think you could teach him to box? Sandy Rather⁠—if he likes. Judith That’s just the trouble⁠—I’m afraid he won’t like. He’s so dreadfully un⁠—that sort of thing. But never mind; you must use your influence subtly. I’m sure David would be pleased. Sandy Who’s David? Judith My husband. Sandy Surprised. Oh! Judith Why do you say “Oh” like that? Didn’t you know I had a husband? Sandy I thought he was dead. Judith No, he’s not dead; he’s upstairs. Sandy You’re quite different from what you were the other day. Judith It’s this garden hat⁠—I’ll take it off. She does so. There. I’ve been pruning the calceolarias. Sandy Puzzled. Oh?⁠— Judith I love my garden, you know⁠—it’s so peaceful and quaint. I spend long days dreaming away in it⁠—you know how one dreams. Sandy Oh, yes. Judith Warming up. I always longed to leave the brittle glamour of cities and theatres and find rest in some old-world nook. That’s why we came to Cookham. Sandy It’s awfully nice⁠—Cookham. Judith Have you ever seen me on the stage? Sandy Rather! Judith What in? Sandy That thing when you pretended to cheat at cards to save your husband’s good name. Judith Oh, The Bold Deceiver. That play was never quite right. Sandy You were absolutely wonderful. That was when I first fell in love with you. Judith Delighted. Was it, really? Sandy Yes; you were so frightfully pathetic and brave. Judith Basking. Was I? Sandy Rather! There is a pause. Judith Well, go on.⁠ ⁠… Sandy I feel such a fool, telling you what I think, as though it mattered. Judith Of course it matters⁠—to me, anyhow. Sandy Does it⁠—honestly? Judith Certainly. Sandy It seems too good to be true⁠—sitting here and talking as though we were old friends. Judith We are old friends⁠—we probably met in another life. Reincarnation, you know⁠—fascinating! Sandy You do say ripping things. Judith Do I? Give me a cigarette and let’s put our feet up. Sandy All right. They settle themselves comfortably at opposite ends of the sofa, smoking. Judith Can you punt? Sandy Yes⁠—a bit. Judith You must teach Simon⁠—he always gets the pole stuck. Sandy I’d rather teach you. Judith You’re so gallant and chivalrous⁠—much more like an American than an Englishman. Sandy I should like to go on saying nice things to you forever. Judith Giving him her hand. Sandy! There comes a loud ring at the bell. Judith jumps. There now! Sandy Is anyone else coming to stay? Judith Anyone else! You don’t know⁠—you just don’t know. Give me my hat. Sandy Giving it to her. You said it would be quite quiet, with nobody at all. Judith I was wrong. It’s going to be very noisy, with herds of angry people stamping about. Clara enters and opens the front door. Myra Arundel is posed outside, consciously well-dressed, with several suitcases, and a tennis racquet. Myra Advancing. Judith⁠—my⁠—dear⁠—this is divine! Judith Emptily. Too, too lovely⁠—Where are the others? Myra What others? Clara goes out. Judith Did you come by the four-thirty? Myra Yes. Judith Didn’t you see anyone at the station? Myra Yes; several people, but I didn’t know they were coming here. Judith Well, they are. Myra Sorel said it was going to be just ourselves this weekend. Judith Sharply. Sorel? Myra Yes⁠—didn’t she tell you she’d asked me? Weren’t you expecting me? Judith Simon muttered something about your coming, but Sorel didn’t mention it. Wasn’t that