Hay Fever

odd of her? Myra You’re a divinely mad family. To Sandy. How-do-you-do? It’s useless to wait for introductions with the Blisses. My name’s Myra Arundel. Judith Airily. Sandy Tyrell, Myra Arundel; Myra Arundel, Sandy Tyrell. There. Myra Is that your car outside? Sandy Yes. Myra Well, Judith, I do think you might have told me someone was motoring down. A nice car would have been so much more comfortable than that beastly train. Judith I never knew you were coming until a little while ago. Myra It’s heavenly here⁠—after London. The heat was terrible when I left. You look awfully well, Judith. Rusticating obviously agrees with you. Judith I’m glad you think so. Personally, I feel that a nervous breakdown is imminent. Myra My dear, how ghastly! What’s the matter? Judith Nothing’s the matter yet, Myra, but I have presentiments. Come upstairs, Sandy, and I’ll show you your room. She begins to go upstairs, followed by Sandy. Then she turns. I’ll send Simon down to you. He’s shaving, I think, but you won’t mind that, will you?

She goes off. Myra makes a slight grimace after her, then she helps herself to a cigarette and wanders about the hall⁠—she might almost play the piano a little; anyhow, she is perfectly at home.

Simon comes downstairs very fast, putting on his coat. He has apparently finished his toilet.

Simon Myra, this is marvellous! He tries to kiss her. Myra Pushing him away. No, Simon dear; it’s too hot. Simon You look beautifully cool. Myra I’m more than cool really, but it’s not climatic coolness. I’ve been mentally chilled to the marrow by Judith’s attitude. Simon Why, what did she say? Myra Nothing very much. She was bouncing about on the sofa with a hearty young thing in flannels, and seemed to resent my appearance rather. Simon You mustn’t take any notice of Mother. Myra I’ll try not to, but it’s difficult. Simon She adores you, really. Myra I’m sure she does. Simon She’s annoyed today because Father and Sorel have been asking people down without telling her. Myra Poor dear! I quite see why. Simon You look enchanting. Myra Thank you, Simon. Simon Are you pleased to see me? Myra Of course. That’s why I came. Simon Darling! Myra Sssh! Don’t shout. Simon I feel most colossally temperamental⁠—I should like to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you and break everything in the house and then jump into the river. Myra Dear Simon! Simon You’re everything I want you to be⁠—absolutely everything. Marvellous clothes, marvellous looks, marvellous brain⁠—Oh, God, it’s terrible.⁠ ⁠… Myra I dined with Charlie Templeton last night. Simon Well, you’re a devil. You only did it to annoy me. He’s far too plump, and he can’t do anything but dither about the Embassy in badly-cut trousers. You loathe him really; you know you do⁠—you’re too intelligent not to. You couldn’t like him and me at the same time⁠—it’s impossible! Myra Don’t be so conceited. Simon Darling⁠—I adore you. Myra That’s right. Simon But you’re callous⁠—that’s what it is, callous! You don’t care a damn. You don’t love me a bit, do you? Myra Love’s a very big word, Simon. Simon It isn’t⁠—it’s tiny. What are we to do? Myra What do you mean? Simon We can’t go on like this. Myra I’m not going on like anything. Simon Yes, you are; you’re going on like Medusa, and there are awful snakes popping their heads out at me from under your hat⁠—I shall be turned to stone in a minute, and then you’ll be sorry. Myra Laughing. You’re very sweet, and I’m very fond of you. Simon Tell me what you’ve been doing⁠—everything. Myra Nothing. Simon What did you do after you’d dined with Charlie Templeton? Myra Supped with Charlie Templeton. Simon Well, I don’t mind a bit. I hope you ate a lot and enjoyed yourself⁠—there! Myra Generous boy! Come and kiss me. Simon You’re only playing up to me now; you don’t really want to a bit. Myra I’m aching for it. Simon Kissing her violently. I love you. Myra This weekend’s going to be strenuous. Simon Hell upon earth⁠—fifteen million people in the house. We’ll get up at seven and rush away down the river. Myra No, we won’t. Simon Don’t let either of us agree to anything we say⁠—we’ll both be difficult. I love being difficult. Myra You certainly do. Simon But I’m in the most lovely mood now. Just seeing you makes me feel grand⁠— Myra Is your father here? Simon Yes; he’s working on a new novel. Myra He writes brilliantly. Simon Doesn’t he? He drinks too much tea, though. Myra It can’t do him much harm, surely? Simon It tans the stomach. Myra Who is Sandy Tyrell? Simon Never heard of him. Myra He’s here, with Judith. Simon Oh, that poor thing with hot hands! We’ll ignore him. Myra I thought he looked rather nice. Simon You must be mad. He looked disgusting. Myra Laughing. Idiot! Simon Flinging himself on the sofa. Smooth my hair with your soft white hands. Myra Ruffling it. It’s got glue on it. Simon Catching her hand and kissing it. You smell heavenly. What is it? Myra Borgia of Rosine. Simon How appropriate. He pulls her down and kisses her. Myra Breaking away. You’re too demonstrative today, Simon. The front door bell rings. Simon Damn, damn! It’s those drearies. Myra powders her nose as Clara crosses to open door. Richard Greatham and Jackie Coryton come in. There is, by this time, a good deal of luggage on the step. Richard is iron-grey and tall; Jackie is small and shingled, with an ingenuous manner which will lose its charm as she grows older. Richard This is Mrs. Bliss’s house. Clara Offhand. Oh, yes, this is it. Richard Is Miss Sorel Bliss in? Clara I expect so. I’ll see if I can find her. She goes upstairs, humming a tune. Simon Hallo. Did you have a nice journey? Richard Yes, thank you, very nice. I met Miss Coryton at the station. We introduced ourselves while we were waiting for the only taxi to come back. Myra Oh, I took the only taxi. How maddening of me. Richard Mrs. Arundel! How-do-you-do. I never recognised you. They shake hands. Jackie I did. Myra Why? Have we met anywhere? Jackie No; I mean I recognised you as the one