“Just breathe man. It’s going to be ok. Tell me what happened.” I said calmly.
“We showed her a video. It was on Youtube, her Dad. He made her a message three years after she was taken, hoping she would somehow see it. We thought seeing him, hearing him tell her he loved her, would help, but it didn’t. She freaked Xand. She threw up, then was barely breathing. Matt had to shut the two of them in the shower stall to calm her down, and it took over an hour.”
“But it worked? She calmed down?” I asked, becoming worried myself now.
“Yeah, she was better, but when we got her to her room to rest, she threw us out. She’s not ok. I’m scared she’ll do something stupid. She’s told me she wanted to die before.”
“What?” I barked. “When? Why the hell didn’t you tell me about that?” I knew sometimes Livy’s thoughts turned dark and desperate. I had seen it happen, every shred of light leaving her eyes, but I never for a moment thought she was suicidal. She seemed too strong to ever give up. She survived eight years in hell! Why would she ever give up after escaping that?
“It was when she had hypothermia, and she was really out of it. I told the guys and we watched her closely, but she seemed ok.”
“So no one is with her right now?” I asked, as I started moving, needing to check on her.
“Cole is sitting outside her door, listening. She wouldn’t let anyone stay with her.” Kyle explained as he hurried across the hall with me. He was panicking, terrified he would lose her, and I understood why now. But I needed to keep calm, for her and for my brothers, who were likely all freaking out the way Kyle was.
“It’s going to be ok. I’ll talk to her, try and calm her down. We may have to think about finding her a therapist to talk to if her thoughts are turning to hurting herself. She’s been through so much, she needs help handling it….” I stopped mid sentence when there was a crash from above us, followed by Livy screaming.
Kyle and I both set off running and reached the hall seconds later, as Cole burst through her bedroom door just ahead of us.
When we reached the door, Cole was frozen, clearly not knowing what to do, and Kyle seemed to react much the same. Looking in, tore me apart too, seeing how completely shattered Livy looked. She was on the carpet, her closet door open. Her hands were both bleeding and the large mirror that had once obviously been on the door, was as shattered as Livy was, in thousands of pieces on the floor around her.
She sat with her knees bent beneath her, as though she had just collapsed from standing, and she was crying so hard, no sound was coming out, silent tears streaking down her cheeks as her entire body trembled.
“Cole, get me a first aid kit, and tell everyone else to stay away until I can calm her down.” I said quietly. He nodded, his eyes not leaving Livy, then he turned and left the room.
“Liv…” Kyle whispered, but I stopped him from saying anything else, a hand on his shoulder.
“You need to let me talk to her Kyle. She’s going to be ok, but I need to calm her down and fix her hands. Can you do that? Wait outside for now?” I asked calmly, knowing he’d be close to either losing his shit, or crumbling before me.
“I can’t leave her.”
“You can. I’ve got her Ky. I’m going to help her, but I need you all out of here for now.” I didn’t add that if I thought she was a danger to herself I would have to take action none of them were going to like. I decided I would cross that bridge when I came to it.
“I’ll wait right outside.” He agreed finally. I patted him on the shoulder and he turned and left too.
Cole was approaching as I went to close the door. I grabbed the first aid box from him and nodded to Kyle, telling him to stay close to our most volatile brother. He nodded in understanding, so I closed the door and braced myself for doing whatever I needed to do to keep Livy safe.
I moved toward where she still sat, crying. I moved very slowly and deliberately, not wanting to startle her when she was surrounded by glass.
“Sweetheart? You hear me? It’s Xander.” I asked softly. When she didn’t respond I lowered down to my knees opposite her, trying to avoid the shattered glass pieces. I ducked down until her eyes met mine, but it was heartbreaking to see them looking so dull and lifeless, as though she weren’t even there. Tears were still trickling down her cheeks, but she seemed to have zoned out otherwise.
“Olivia, can you look at me?” Her eyes moved to me at that question, which was a relief. She was responsive. It was a start. “Hey you.” I smiled a little, trying to comfort her. “You’re bleeding, sweetheart. Can you let me take care of that?” I nodded to her hands, which sat on her thighs, bleeding quite badly from cuts on her knuckles and the outer sides of each. She followed my gaze down, then seemed to startle a little when she saw the blood that had trickled over her pyjama shorts and down her knees, to the carpet below.
She moved her hands toward me a little, and it was all I needed to start working. I laid the towel I had grabbed from her bathroom, over my knees and pulled both of her hands into my lap. Her hands were like ice and she was shaking badly. I’d have liked to get her sat in her bed, but I worried moving her when she still seemed a little
