How we help at home:
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Replace chores with contributions
One easy way to make chores not seem like such a chore is to stop calling them that. Instead, they become family contributions. Teach your 2-year-old to collect dirty clothes into a basket. Have your 7-year-old water the plants. Explain to the kids that you are all on the same team working for household success. Be a cheerleader rather than a drill sergeant. When kids are pitching in—no matter what size the contribution—life skills are learned, families grow closer, and it is another inoculation against the entitlement epidemic.
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Smile big and often
Smiling is not only a result of happiness, some research suggests it may also be the cause. When you smile, you’re apt to be less stressed, less bothered by what is going on around you, and probably more likely to be heard by your child. Your tone changes when you are smiling; your child can hear the difference, and it sets the tone for the energy in your home. Smiling is easy, free, and infectious. Go ahead. Make your day!
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Teach and model gratitude
Studies show people who feel gratitude are less depressed, better able to handle stress, and more optimistic. Tell your children what you feel grateful for. Regularly. Don’t just leave this for Thanksgiving. Some days it may just be gratitude for whoever invented mint toothpaste or chocolate. An attitude of gratitude lets your child go through life looking for what is awesome. How awesome is that?
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Practice random acts of kindness together
Look for opportunities to perform random acts of kindness in front of your kids and encourage them to do the same. Help someone cross the street, hold open a door, say something nice to a stranger. Without making it too big a deal, talk about what it felt like to do something nice and unexpected. Talk about what they imagine the other person felt like. And, if someone holds a door open for you, take a moment to mention how it made you feel. “I love when that happens!” sends a loud and clear message to kids how easy it is to be kind and how much it is appreciated.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
—Calvin Trillin
CHAPTER 6FOOD AND DINING
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Branch out from the kids menu
Use restaurant meals to help your child develop a taste for new foods. If your son insists on the mac and cheese from the kids menu, make a rule that he needs to taste something from the grown-up menu, too. If your daughter doesn’t care for something, ask her why. It might be the texture, or the sauce, or something entirely different. Let kids know there are lots of options beyond chicken fingers.
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Let kids order their own meals
Telling a waitperson what he would like to have for dinner allows your child to practice many skills: speaking to grown-ups they don’t know, using “please” and “thank you,” advocating on their own behalf, maintaining eye contact, asking questions if they are unsure about something. Restaurants are a safe, low-pressure environment where you can easily come to the rescue in a face-saving manner if things go awry.
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Keep cookies around
Kids like to be places where there are good snacks. Having something fun to nibble on is a way of making your kids’ friends feel welcome. If you are a family that does not typically do cookies or junk food, keep a guest stash of snacking options that won’t make eyes roll. Not everyone wants to nibble on quinoa squares. Crazy, but true.
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Have kids prepare their own meals
Spreading peanut butter on bread, pouring a bowl of cereal, or rinsing off an apple are good for starters and make your kids feel capable. Having a repertoire that includes more than ripping open a bag of chips gives them more freedom and independence (and healthy choices) around after-school snacks. It’s never too early for a child to start learning his way around food. Plus, the more competent your child is in the kitchen, the more appetizing breakfast in bed will be on your birthday!
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Avoid turning food into a control issue
If your child refuses to eat a meal, you do not need to make them eat. They will eat at the next meal. Skipping a meal is no big deal. If your daughter is hungry, let her make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for herself. For young children, this is one of the few areas where they have control and they will begin to learn that they have the ability to prepare simple meals or snacks for themselves. Power struggles around food and eating are something you want to avoid. Try and keep meals about connecting as a family; do not make food and mealtime a war zone.
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Be a role model with your own eating habits
If you do not want your kids to eat standing at the counter or picking the crumbs off the coffee cake, do not let them see you do it. Ditto if you do not want them to eat the exact same thing for every single meal. Overeating, undereating, picky eating, speed eating—they are going to learn a lot from you. What sort of food role model are you?
Some Dinner Topics:
What are you grateful for today?
What would you like to do this weekend?
Who do you admire and why?
Where in the world would you like to go?
Tell me a funny story.
What made you smile today?
What is your favorite family memory?
If you could have anything
