The Inspector General

stand. Khlestakov But, please, please be seated. I now see perfectly how openhearted and generous you are. I confess I thought you had come to put me in⁠—To Dobchinsky. Do take a chair. The Governor and Dobchinsky sit down. Bobchinsky looks in at the door and listens. Governor Aside. I must be bolder. He wants us to pretend he is incognito. Very well, we will talk nonsense, too. We’ll pretend we haven’t the least idea who he is. Aloud. I was going about in the performance of my duty with Piotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky here⁠—he’s a landed proprietor here⁠—and we came to the inn to see whether the guests are properly accommodated⁠—because I’m not like other governors, who don’t care about anything. No, apart from my duty, out of pure Christian philanthropy, I wish every mortal to be decently treated. And as if to reward me for my pains, chance has afforded me this pleasant acquaintance. Khlestakov I, too, am delighted. Without your aid, I confess, I should have had to stay here a long time. I didn’t know how in the world to pay my bill. Governor Aside. Oh, yes, fib on.⁠—Didn’t know how to pay his bill! May I ask where your Honor is going? Khlestakov I’m going to my own village in the Government of Saratov. Governor Aside, with an ironical expression on his face. The Government of Saratov! H’m, h’m! And doesn’t even blush! One must be on the qui vive with this fellow. Aloud. You have undertaken a great task. They say travelling is disagreeable because of the delay in getting horses but, on the other hand, it is a diversion. You are travelling for your own amusement, I suppose? Khlestakov No, my father wants me. He’s angry because so far I haven’t made headway in the St. Petersburg service. He thinks they stick the Vladimir in your buttonhole the minute you get there. I’d like him to knock about in the government offices for a while. Governor Aside. How he fabricates! Dragging in his old father, too. Aloud. And may I ask whether you are going there to stay for long? Khlestakov I really don’t know. You see, my father is stubborn and stupid⁠—an old dotard as hard as a block of wood. I’ll tell him straight out, “Do what you will, I can’t live away from St. Petersburg.” Really, why should I waste my life among peasants? Our times make different demands on us. My soul craves enlightenment. Governor Aside. He can spin yarns all right. Lie after lie and never trips. And such an ugly insignificant-looking creature, too. Why, it seems to me I could crush him with my finger nails. But wait, I’ll make you talk. I’ll make you tell me things. Aloud. You were quite right in your observation, that one can do nothing in a dreary out-of-the-way place. Take this town, for instance. You lie awake nights, you work hard for your country, you don’t spare yourself, and the reward? You don’t know when it’s coming. He looks round the room. This room seems rather damp. Khlestakov Yes, it’s a dirty room. And the bugs! I’ve never experienced anything like them. They bite like dogs. Governor You don’t say! An illustrious guest like you to be subjected to such annoyance at the hands of⁠—whom? Of vile bugs which should never have been born. And I dare say, it’s dark here, too. Khlestakov Yes, very gloomy. The landlord has introduced the custom of not providing candles. Sometimes I want to do something⁠—read a bit, or, if the fancy strikes me, write something.⁠—I can’t. It’s a dark room, yes, very dark. Governor I wonder if I might be bold enough to ask you⁠—but, no, I’m unworthy. Khlestakov What is it? Governor No, no, I’m unworthy. I’m unworthy. Khlestakov But what is it? Governor If I might be bold enough⁠—I have a fine room for you at home, light and cosy. But no, I feel it is too great an honor. Don’t be offended. Upon my word, I made the offer out of the simplicity of my heart. Khlestakov On the contrary, I accept your invitation with pleasure. I should feel much more comfortable in a private house than in this disreputable tavern. Governor I’m only too delighted. How glad my wife will be. It’s my character, you know. I’ve always been hospitable from my very childhood, especially when my guest is a distinguished person. Don’t think I say this out of flattery. No, I haven’t that vice. I only speak from the fullness of my heart. Khlestakov I’m greatly obliged to you. I myself hate double-faced people. I like your candor and kindheartedness exceedingly. And I am free to say, I ask for nothing else than devotion and esteem⁠—esteem and devotion.

Scene IX

The above and the Servant, accompanied by Osip. Bobchinsky peeps in at the door.

Servant	Did your Honor wish anything?
Khlestakov	Yes, let me have the bill.
Servant	I gave you the second one a little while ago.
Khlestakov	Oh, I can’t remember your stupid accounts. Tell me what the whole comes to.
Servant	You were pleased to order dinner the first day. The second day you only took salmon. And then you took everything on credit.
Khlestakov	Fool! Starts to count it all up now. How much is it altogether?
Governor	Please don’t trouble yourself. He can wait. To the Servant. Get out of here. The money will be sent to you.
Khlestakov	Yes, that’s so, of course. He puts the money in his pocket.
	The Servant goes out. Bobchinsky peeps in at the door.

Scene X

The Governor, Khlestakov and Dobchinsky.

Governor	Would you care to inspect a few institutions in our town now⁠—the philanthropic institutions, for instance, and others?
Khlestakov	But what is there to see?
Governor	Well, you’ll see how they’re run⁠—the order in which we keep them.
Khlestakov	Oh, with the greatest pleasure. I’m ready.
	Bobchinsky puts his head in at the door.
Governor	And then, if you