The Inspector General

the napkin. Is there nothing else? Servant No. Khlestakov Scoundrels! Blackguards! They might have given some decent pastry, or something, the lazy good-for-nothings! Fleecing their guests! That’s all they’re good for. The Servant takes the dishes and carries them out accompanied by Osip.

Scene VII

Khlestakov alone.

Khlestakov	It’s just as if I had eaten nothing at all, upon my word. It has only whetted my appetite. If I only had some change to send to the market and buy some bread.
Osip	Entering. The Governor has come, I don’t know what for. He’s inquiring about you.
Khlestakov	In alarm. There now! That innkeeper has gone and made a complaint against me. Suppose he really claps me into jail? Well! If he does it in a gentlemanly way, I may⁠—No, no, I won’t. The officers and the people are all out on the street and I set the fashion for them and the merchant’s daughter and I flirted. No, I won’t. And pray, who is he? How dare he, actually? What does he take me for? A tradesman? I’ll tell him straight out, “How dare you? How⁠—”
	The door knob turns and Khlestakov goes pale and shrinks back.

Scene VIII

Khlestakov, the Governor, and Dobchinsky.

The Governor advances a few steps and stops. They stare at each other a few moments wide-eyed and frightened.

Governor	Recovering himself a little and saluting military fashion. I have come to present my compliments, sir.
Khlestakov	Bows. How do you do, sir?
Governor	Excuse my intruding.
Khlestakov	Pray don’t mention it.
Governor	It’s my duty as chief magistrate of this town to see that visitors and persons of rank should suffer no inconveniences.
Khlestakov	A little halting at first, but toward the end in a loud, firm voice. Well⁠—what was⁠—to be⁠—done? It’s not⁠—my fault. I’m⁠—really going to pay. They will send me money from home. Bobchinsky peeps in at the door. He’s most to blame. He gives me beef as hard as a board and the soup⁠—the devil knows what he put into it. I ought to have pitched it out of the window. He starves me the whole day. His tea is so peculiar⁠—it smells of fish, not tea. So why should I⁠—The idea!
Governor	Scared. Excuse me! I assure you, it’s not my fault. I always have good beef in the market here. The Kholmogory merchants bring it, and they are sober, well-behaved people. I’m sure I don’t know where he gets his bad meat from. But if anything is wrong, may I suggest that you allow me to take you to another place?
Khlestakov	No, I thank you. I don’t care to leave. I know what the other place is⁠—the jail. What right have you, I should like to know⁠—how dare you?⁠—Why, I’m in the government service at St. Petersburg. Puts on a bold front. I⁠—I⁠—I⁠—
Governor	Aside. My God, how angry he is. He has found out everything. Those damned merchants have told him everything.
Khlestakov	With bravado. I won’t go even if you come here with your whole force. I’ll go straight to the minister. Bangs his fist on the table. What do you mean? What do you mean?
Governor	Drawing himself up stiffly and shaking all over. Have pity on me. Don’t ruin me. I have a wife and little children. Don’t bring misfortune on a man.
Khlestakov	No, I won’t go. What’s that got to do with me? Must I go to jail because you have a wife and little children? Great! Bobchinsky looks in at the door and disappears in terror. No, much obliged to you. I will not go.
Governor	Trembling. It was my inexperience. I swear to you, it was nothing but my inexperience and insufficient means. Judge for yourself. The salary I get is not enough for tea and sugar. And if I have taken bribes, they were mere trifles⁠—something for the table, or a coat or two. As for the officer’s widow to whom they say I gave a beating, she’s in business now, and it’s a slander, it’s a slander that I beat her. Those scoundrels here invented the lie. They are ready to murder me. That’s the kind of people they are.
Khlestakov	Well. I’ve nothing to do with them. Reflecting. I don’t see, though, why you should talk to me about your scoundrels or officer’s widow. An officer’s widow is quite a different matter.⁠—But don’t you dare to beat me. You can’t do it to me⁠—no, sir, you can’t. The idea! Look at him! I’ll pay, I’ll pay the money. Just now I’m out of cash. That’s why I stay here⁠—because I haven’t a single kopek.
Governor	Aside. Oh, he’s a shrewd one. So that’s what he’s aiming at? He’s raised such a cloud of dust you can’t tell what direction he’s going. Who can guess what he wants? One doesn’t know where to begin. But I will try. Come what may, I’ll try⁠—hit or miss. Aloud. H’m, if you really are in want of money, I’m ready to serve you. It is my duty to assist strangers in town.
Khlestakov	Lend me some, lend me some. Then I’ll settle up immediately with the landlord. I only want two hundred rubles. Even less would do.
Governor	There’s just two hundred rubles. Giving him the money. Don’t bother to count it.
Khlestakov	Taking it. Very much obliged to you. I’ll send it back to you as soon as I get home. I just suddenly found myself without⁠—H’m⁠—I see you are a gentleman. Now it’s all different.
Governor	Aside. Well, thank the Lord, he’s taken the money. Now I suppose things will move along smoothly. I slipped four hundred instead of two into his hand.
Khlestakov	Ho, Osip! Osip enters. Tell the servant to come. To the Governor and Dobchinsky. Please be seated. To Dobchinsky. Please take a seat, I beg of you.
Governor	Don’t trouble. We can